Review: Clockwork Princess. I have waited so long.

This review is going to be... difficult. Here are some things you should know about me in advance:

1. I hate change. I hate change as much as Holden Caulfield hates change. I hate change as much as the Doctor hates change. I just really. Hate. Change.
2. I hate goodbyes. Especially when it comes to saying goodbye to my favorite characters. I don't like being forced to do it.
3. I try really, really hard to be positive. But sometimes I just can't.

That said, what you're going to get here are two different reviews written by the same person (me), about the same book. Review #1 is my positive side rearing its optimistic head. Review #2 is my selfish side, who can't stop focusing on things I wish had been different.

Review #1

Clockwork Princess was everything I expected it to be and more. Which says a lot, coming from a girl who has been counting down since December 11, 2011, when I finished Clockwork Prince. I've spent the past 15 months in a general state of anxiety over these characters' lives-- lives that infiltrated my music, landing me with a 22-song playlist entitled "worse than demon pox," lives that have been in my mind for so long now I've forgotten what it was like not to have them there. I've made friends over these lives and I've thought about these lives as if they were a part of me. Because they are. And now I've turned the last page on these lives. This is all I get.

And I'm okay with it.

This book completely blew me away. The attention to detail is nothing short of extraordinary, and as usual, the characters come to life on the page. I admit I was caught off guard by Jem and Will's tendency to trade places in this one-- Jem being the reckless one and Will being the responsible one for a change-- but it was realistic too. Will couldn't have gone on acting as he always had; there was no reason for it. He didn't have to be that person anymore, the person who distances himself using calculated cruelty and measured thoughtlessness. In that person's place is the person whose heart is broken. He's not going to be the same unstoppably snarky Will who could make a joke out of any situation. To have portrayed him as that person would have been a disservice to the character, for it would have made him seem invulnerable even after everything that has happened to him.

He's pushed everyone away for five years, believing it to be for their own good if nobody loved him. He finally opens himself up to the girl he loves, and finds out she's engaged to his best friend. He believes she doesn't return his feelings, and he can't even talk to the one person he wants to talk to about it because that person is the one causing him pain. No, the Brighter Burning Star is not going to shine quite so bright anymore.

"The hero's journey is not from weakness to strength, but from strength to weakness." Will Herondale is the definition of this. And, make no mistake about it, he is the hero of this story. He and Tessa may have decided that he was not a hero-- one of my favorite scenes in any book, ever-- but they were looking at it from the perspective of real people. To them, they are not characters in a book, so Will is not a hero any more than anyone is a hero. But we, as readers, can view Will the way he views Sydney Carton or Heathcliff-- though we know he is not the same as them. That's right, folks: Will Herondale is not Sydney Carton. He is better. He had reasons for his self-hatred and the way he acted, more than Sydney Carton ever did. Will's love for Tessa is not the kind that prevails only through destruction-- he would give his life for her happiness, but Tessa refuses to be Lucie Manette. They prevail together. Their love gets them through a war; all Sydney Carton's love for Lucie got him was an honorable death.

As for Jem... well, he is steady, as always. He has not changed much, except to become happier and also sicker. He faces unafraid the shadows that creep closer to him every day. He's an open book. This is what I love about Will and Jem: their stark contrast to each other. Where Jem is light, Will is dark. Where Jem is a flame, Will is a star. Where Jem is strong in the face of crippling weakness, Will is weak in the face of crippling strength. [before you go telling me that "crippling strength" doesn't make sense, think about it. Will has always had to be strong, to never show vulnerability, and it nearly ruined his life.]

As for the ending, "bittersweet" doesn't even begin to explain it, though it's probably the word that comes closest. Everybody gets what they want, but everybody has to sacrifice something. My favorite thing about it, though? One relationship really stands out. My favorite relationship. To me, it was always clear why Will and Tessa loved each other, but in this book they lay it out for everyone to see. They don't let there be any doubters left, nobody left to say "but why does Will have such strong feelings for Tessa?" or "but how can Tessa love Will when Jem is so much nicer?" He loves her because she's infuriatingly inquisitive and stubborn, because she listens to him and makes him laugh and remembers his words, because she loves the same books as he does, and because she could never help but see the good in him. She loves him because he says the things she thinks but would never say, because he loves the same books and has a remarkable memory for quotes, because he thinks up ridiculous songs and sees the truth in everything, and because they are unusual in the same ways.

This ending was perfect because it gave everyone what they wanted the most, without being too Happily Ever After. Tessa's immortal; she cannot have either boy forever. But she got a lifetime with Will, and Will with her-- that was all he ever wanted. He deserved his happy ending, and he got it. Jem, presumably, gets the same: the lifetime he promised Tessa a long time ago. We don't know where it goes, but we don't really need to-- Will and Tessa ended up together (Tessa insisting that Will be only Will, not a polite version of himself), and then Jem and Tessa ended up together. Happy, but with a price.

Review #2

I'm not going to take back the positive things I said in Review #1 about the book itself, but in this review I'm going to be selfish and state my grievances about things I wanted and did not get.

I wish that Clockwork Princess had not lacked the humor that both Clockwork Angel and Clockwork Prince had. No matter how depressing Clockwork Prince was at times, no matter how much Will hated himself, he could always be counted on for a well-timed joke. I miss that about him. He's still the same, he's still got that Herondale bitter humor, but he seems to be hiding it now that he's stopped hiding other things about himself. Clockwork Prince was a better kind of pain.

I wish that I had never had to say goodbye to Will Herondale. I was hoping the spirit in Tessa's angel, after leaving the star mark on Will, would extend its protection to him, and that that would somehow make him immortal too. I didn't want to see him age while Tessa didn't, and it kind of seemed like Cassie wrote herself into a corner with Tessa's immortality. While I appreciate that nobody cared that he looked old enough to be her grandfather even though he was her husband (because they were Will and Tessa) I wanted things to be different. I wish that his death had been an active scene instead of a remembered one-- that I could know what his last words to Tessa were, how he felt about his life, whether he wished he could stay with her. For so long now I've felt like I understood him, and then in his last moment he became a distant story from 70 years ago.

Basically, I just wish the epilogue had not happened. I wish Jem had stayed a Silent Brother-- or better yet, just died. I'm not saying this because I wanted Jem to die; I'm saying this because I have always been used to the idea that he would. I always thought Jem was too. He believed in reincarnation, and it just doesn't seem consistent to me that he suddenly decided to throw away his next life, where he was sure he'd meet Will and Tessa again, for longevity.

The only way to describe how I really feel about the ending is subverted. I had things that I knew would happen and things that I hoped would happen, and yet I feel like I've been played. I cared too much about one person, when the ending was written for people who couldn't choose. It was written to satisfy everyone with mild feelings, and in the process it alienates everyone with strong feelings.

I know I should be happy for the characters, for their happy endings. None of them were dissatisfied with what they had in the end. I should be happy because Magnus says the first one always hurts the worst, and Will was the first one. But I can't help it-- to me, it's always been Will and Tessa. I feel like the epilogue undermined everything these three books had built, like it's not fair that Will had to be the one who died first. Will, the one who was always the most alive, ends up being the one glossed over first. Meanwhile, Tessa is young forever and Jem gets his youth back, and they get their second chance. The irrational side of me kind of sees this as a cop-out. Will and Jem never get their second chance. I feel betrayed on Will's behalf. For me, no one would be able to follow Will Herondale. No one would be enough after that-- not even Jem Carstairs.

All in all.... yeah. Like I said, this was difficult for me to write. I can't choose a side. While I appreciate every single thing about this book and I think it's about as genius as a fantasy/paranormal book gets, the ending was just not what I wanted, and I can't help but take that into consideration. The choice not to find a way around Tessa's immortality seems less about the story and more about the message, which is a problem for me. 

★★★★½

That missing half-star pains me.

Sometimes Jessamines make their own decisions

This post is in response to this post, which brings up some very good points.

source

But the thing is, I still mostly hate Jessamine. As a character study in the vapid and boring, she's great. (I'm being serious. She is the way she is for a reason). As a real person, even, who makes mistakes and has faults and sometimes wants the wrong things, she's perfect. But as someone that I can bring myself to like? Not so much. And that's fine. I don't need to like a character for him or her to be a good character-- that's not how it works. So let me get this out of the way: I'm not going to argue that you should hate Jessamine, or that she's a villain (she's not), but I am going to argue that maybe we're supposed to love hating her.

Jessamine is everything that was wrong with how women were viewed in the 19th century. She's got this badass streak a mile wide, and yet she pushes it down and gets more miserable every time she has to use it, because she wants to be a meek little kitten. She wants to be like all the regular women she envies because they don't have to get their hands dirty. Now, you may argue that she wants this because of society's conditioning in that time; she believes women are meant to be passive creatures because that's what The Man has taught her. But if you argue that, you're wrong. Jessamine has spent a good portion of her life in the Institute, being trained to kill demons and the like. With a parasol. She's spent all of that time with Charlotte, who has the kind of power that women so rarely saw back then, and who still manages to be a woman. Being a Shadowhunter hasn't turned Charlotte into any less of a female, so it's not like Jessamine legitimately has that to fear.

Jessamine's fear is not being accepted. And she lets it hold her back. And she judges other girls (read: Tessa) constantly for not wanting the same things as her, for wanting more than the life that's been given to them. Jessamine, she wants less than the life she's been given. She wants simplicity and domesticity and to have a man around to affirm her femaleness. Is there anything wrong with Jessamine wanting different things? No, but there is something wrong with her attitude toward it. She belittles everyone who isn't her idea of the perfect human specimen. She betrays the people who have cared for her since her parents died, the people who affectionately call her Jessie (which, you'll notice, I refuse to do), because she has it in her head that doing so will get her what she wants.

Yes, she was tricked. But at the same time, she knew what she was doing. If we pretend that she had no part in her own demise, that she was an Innocent Pawn in a Game of Evil, we're treating her exactly the way she wanted to be treated. As a passive 1878 girl who simply didn't know any better. But that's the thing-- that has never been who Jessamine is, because if it were, she wouldn't spend so much time fighting against her own life. She may not have known that Nate was never interested in her, but she did know that he was planning on handing Tessa over to Mortmain. Tessa had never done anything to warrant that, but Jessamine chose Nate anyway because she saw something in it for herself. She's selfish, and that's a quality that just does not fly with me.

And then, when Jem and Tessa go to visit her in the Silent City, she teases them. She mocks Tessa for having feelings for both Jem and Will, and she teases Jem-- Jem! Tell me, what kind of person teases Jem?!?*-- for not being able to keep his hands off Tessa on the way there. As if she has any right to talk, Miss I-Betrayed-You-All-For-A-Nefarious-Psychopath.

So yes, I do think Jessamine is a victim, rather than a villain. But I'm not just talking about what Nate did to her. She's her own victim because she brought this on herself, too.

To sum up, there are reasons to like Jessamine:

1. She usually says what she's thinking-- especially if it's snarky. (her "perfectly reasonable fear of annoying idiots" quote is one of my favorites)

2. She's a fascinating character.

3. She's not a villain.

But my reasons for hating her are:

1. She wants to be the victim...

2. ...but that's not all she is.

3. She's selfish.

4. The things that come out of her mouth fill my feminist self with such disgust that I almost want her off the page completely.

5. I almost respect her too much to label her as "poor naive Jessamine."

*Other than Will, who is allowed.

A Compendium of Theories

This is going to be my master post of Infernal Devices theories I see floating around. I will put ALL THE THEORIES here, even if they are completely horrible or implausible or make me want to bang my head against things. If you don't see my commentary in small letters after the theory, you can assume that I have no logical reason to object to it.

Also, I will organize them by character.

* indicates a theory I formulated myself (EDIT: crossed out= a theory that was wrong)

TESSA

• She is part-Shadowhunter (in other words, she has some angel blood)*
• Follow-up: her mother was a Shadowhunter, who was switched at birth with a mundane/faerie-- Adele Starkweather. This is why Adele's skin burned when she got her first rune; she's not a Shadowhunter. (I love this theory and think it's probably correct. Also it makes Tessa a Starkweather WHAAAAT)
• Her "second ability" has something to do with visions of the future or visions of present things that she can't see in person*
• it is also somehow related to her clockwork angel*
• OR her second ability is the power to summon angels (which seems probable based on the Clockwork Princess jacket copy)

WILL

• He is Brother Zachariah (possible, but I don't think so, because the clues so obviously point to him. The clues are intentionally misleading; Cassie said so herself.)
• He becomes a Silent Brother as payment to them for curing Jem (unlikely-- if the Silent Brothers knew of a way to cure Jem, they would have done it already, and I'm fairly certain they don't require payment. Also, Jem would never let him do it.)
• He will end up with Tessa but will die of old age or whatever before her because she is immortal
• He will die/sacrifice himself in Clockwork Princess (Nope. Nope nope nope. Just... nope.)
• He will not end up with Tessa and instead will marry someone else in an arranged marriage (right, guys. Because Will is so keen on having other people make such decisions for him. Also, who would make this decision? His parents haven't been a part of his life since he was 12. Charlotte would probably be both morally opposed given her own arranged marriage, and would see no use in even trying to compel Will to do something like this. He sure as heck wouldn't listen to the Clave, and even they probably realize it would be hopeless [I mean, remember the deleted scene where they yelled at him because of his clothes and he showed up naked the next time?] Plus, he says it himself in CP2: it's Tessa for him, or no one. I just... this is one of those theories that makes me wonder if people who come up with theories actually read the books.)

JEM

• He is Brother Zachariah (possible, but again, I don't think so. The clues also point to him, but it's not just that. I don't think Jem would become a Silent Brother just so he wouldn't have to die. He's been living with his imminent death for long enough now that he's made peace with it. Of course, he's not okay with it, but he believes in reincarnation. He doesn't see death as death. He doesn't think he needs immortality to stay in this world forever.)
• He is the Magister (again... there is not really any textual evidence to support this, other than the fact that both the Magister and Jem want to marry Tessa. Because apparently only one man can want to marry her, and it can't be for any reason like he actually loves her or anything.)
• Jem dies in Clockwork Princess (the way one would expect Jem to die, i.e. not of old age)
• He ends up with Cecily (possible, but I don't really think Jem's going to look at any other females while engaged to Tessa. He's not that kind of dude. Though I'm sure Will would be totally for it.)

CECILY

• She is a spy for Mortmain (seems totally possible, except NO because WILL.)
• She is Brother Zachariah. (INTERESTING but as far as I know Silent Brothers are dudes?)
• She marries Gabriel and this is why the Lightwoods end up with Herondale appearances (no textual evidence yet but I don't see why this can't be true, other than the fact that there are several generations between TID and TMI, during which looks can change a lot.)

Why why why why why why

So, I'm kind of unofficially doing NaNoWriMo, except I have no ideas for new stories of my own so I'm mostly just doing things to other people's characters a la fanfiction. I've always kind of thought of it as cheating, and I've never liked the tendency of fanfiction to lean toward the sappy, so I've never written it before. But just for catharsis, I did write a scene with my perfect solution to a problem that has yet to be solved in the actual books, which I probably won't be sharing. And then I wrote this scene to make up for it.

This is my idea of what Will might have been dreaming about the night Aloysius Starkweather showed them his Room O' Warlock Parts and Tessa had the dream about Henry cutting her up. So Will's having this dream right before he wakes up to Tessa's screaming and goes to comfort her and tell her he'd never let anything happen to her.

I am cruel.

            As far as Will could see, there was grass. He was alone, on a hill—he did not know where—and the sky was blue. A perfect day.

            Why was he alone? On a perfect day, he would not be alone.

            Suddenly, Tessa was in front of him. He did not want to question her appearance, wanted to believe it was true, so he simply went to her. She did not say anything, but looked at him as if she could see inside him and liked what she saw. No, she loved what she saw. And it was no danger to her. The smile on her face melted him, turned him into someone he could never outwardly be. He could be that person on this hill. With this girl who loved books and hated chocolate, who was strong and smart and looked at him as if she had been waiting for him her whole life.

            “Tess,” he said.

            “Shh,” Tessa said, and put a finger to his lips, smiling. She held it there and looked over his shoulder, past him. Her smile faded.

            She screamed.

            Will whirled around and saw a dozen automatons marching over the hill, neither slowly nor quickly. It was as if they were taking a casual stroll toward his and Tessa’s impending doom. As if it were inevitable. But there was something else off about these automatons, too. They were completely silent. They came with no warning and they did not stop.

            Will turned around, grabbed Tessa’s hand and pulled her away from the automatons. It was her they wanted, wasn’t it? She was the one they always wanted. They ran down the hill, through the valley, and up the next hill. This hill was no better.

            They reached the top, her hand still in his, and faced it together. Tessa screamed again. There, in front of them, was Jem. He was lying on the ground, wheezing and coughing and barely moving.

        Will stood stock-still and Tessa ran to collapse beside Jem, her head resting on his chest. “James,” she said, “I love you.”

            As soon as the words left her mouth, Jem’s labored breathing stopped. He smiled. He was perfectly fine. Happy as Will was to see his parabatai well, his heart was inexplicably sunken. He felt as if he was witnessing something private, something he was not meant to see. Tessa seemed to have forgotten him there, standing behind her, and Jem did not notice him at all. They were staring at each other in the same way Tessa had been staring at Will what seemed like moments ago.

            This was something he did not expect. It came with no warning, and he could not make it stop. If they were happy, he was happy. Right?

            Will turned around and walked back down the hill, toward the oncoming automatons.

The steady flame and the brighter burning star

So, I'm rereading Clockwork Angel (I know, I know, why do I do this to myself?), and I just have to have one of my rare Jem-Appreciation Moments right now.

Jem grinned. "Where have you been? The Blue Dragon? The Mermaid?"

"The Devil Tavern, if you must know." Will sighed and leaned against one of the posts of the bed. "I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower-selling child who asked me for twopence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me."

"A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.

"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel."

"Easy mistake to make," Jem said.

"I caught him in the act of slipping his hands into my pocket," Will said, gesturing animatedly with his scarred, slender hands. "I couldn't let that stand, of course. A fight broke out almost immediately. I had the upper hand until Nigel leaped onto the bar and struck me from behind with a pitcher of gin."

"Ah," said Jem. "That does explain why your hair's wet."

"It was a fair fight," Will said. "But the proprietor of the Devil didn't see it that way. Threw me out. I can't go back for a fortnight."

"Best thing for you," Jem said unsympathetically. "Glad to hear it's business as usual, then. I was worried for a moment there that you'd come home early to see if I was feeling better."

So, I'm sure the first time I read this, I assumed Jem was simply uninterested in what Will was saying, and that's why he was so patronizing about it. I probably had the same perspective as Tessa, who, while Will's story didn't really seem realistic, had no reason to really believe he was lying. But now I know that he was lying, that he lies about all of it, and I know that Jem knows he's lying too. And yet he says nothing. He goes along with it, because he knows that-- for whatever reason-- Will needs to think that they believe him. Jem doesn't point out how outlandish the story is, or show any indication that he knows it's not true. He does exactly what Will needs him to do, which is pretend the story is just as real as Will pretends it is. He doesn't even know why it's so crucial that he pretend, and yet he does it for his best friend. Bravo, James Carstairs.

Oh, and here's a little Will piece that ripped out my soul and did the merengue on it:

"It was the violin," Jem explained. "She heard me practicing."

"Ghastly wailing noise, isn't it?" Will asked Tessa. "I don't know how all the cats in the neighborhood don't come running every time he plays."

"I thought it was pretty."

"That's because it was," Jem agreed.

Will pointed a finger accusingly in their direction. "You're ganging up on me. Is this how it's going to be from now on? I'll be odd man out? Dear God, I'll have to befriend Jessamine."

I'LL BE ODD MAN OUT. *wails*

Also, I'm pretty sure he only dissed Jem's violin-playing to make Tessa despise him. *wails more*

Why, Magnus? WHY?

TID covers edit from tumblr. The Triangle of Misery.

This is going to keep happening until at LEAST next Spring, so I'm not even going to apologize anymore. I only have three followers on this blog anyway and I NEED SOMEWHERE TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

So, I just discovered this little extra (which is apparently in the Clockwork Angel paperback) called Magnus's Vow. Appropriately titled, I guess, seeing it's about his decision not to help Shadowhunters for free anymore-- considering how his heart was broken by Will's HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE TIMING and the fact that it was Magnus who led Will to allow himself to want things he couldn't have, etc. So I found some passages in this extra that made me squirm.

On the other side of Charlotte stood Jem, looking like a photographic negative himself with his silvery hair and eyes turned almost white; his hand rested on his jade dragon-topped cane, and his face was turned toward Tessa's- Tessa- Tessa's hat was in her hand and her long brown curls blew free, slightly blurred by their motion.   

There was a faint halo of light around Will: as befitted his nature and would have surprised no one who'd known him, he had not been able to stand still for the photograph. As always, he was hatless, his black hair curling against his temples. It was a loss not to be able to see the color of his eyes, but he was still beautiful and young and a little vulnerable-looking in photograph, with one hand in his pocket an the other behind his neck. 

First, I knew it was going to be this way. Magnus saves Will for last-- and I can't help but feel like that makes Will more important. Because Magnus is important. Also, a freaking HALO OF LIGHT around him?!?! I would like to know where he is looking. I know Jem is looking at Tessa, but *ahem* I need more information here.

Magnus looked at Tessa again. Thought she was not conventionally pretty in the way Jessamine had been pretty, her face was alive with energy an intelligence. Her lips curved up at the corner. She stood, as Magnus supposed was appropriate, between Jem and Will. Tessa. Tessa, who like Magnus, lived forever. Magnus looked at the detritus in the box-memories of love past, some of whose faces stayed with him as clearly as the day he'd first seen them, and some whose name he barely remembered. Tessa, who like him, had loved a mortal, someone destined to die as she was not.

dlkfajsdflkj;askdjfh;ds WHAT WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHICH ONE? And did this person fulfill their supposed destiny to die?! Or are you tricking us and talking about her brother/cousin/traitor Nate, who did die?!

Oh, and I guess I should say something about "She stood, As Magnus supposed was appropriate, between Jem and Will." I mean, I guess it's appropriate, because they both love her, but it's also not appropriate, because she doesn't want to come between them and we don't even know if she has the ability to do so. That's kind of the whole problem.

Knowing Will and his friends had made Magnus swear to himself that he would never again get involved in Shadowhunters' personal business. Because when you got to care about mortals, they broke your heart.

1. "Will and his friends" ahahaha. 2. Magnus, stop giving me Will feels. They are the kind of feels I am least equipped to manage. 3. At the same time, I also kind of love how much Magnus's heart broke for Will even though they weren't romantically involved. Heck, they barely even knew each other before Will went to him for help. And yet it was enough for Magnus to make a lifelong vow (which is very long, considering he is immortal) to himself never to help Shadowhunters personally again. *melts into puddle* *worries about restraining self from reading ahead in CP2*

Speaking of which, I'm going to have to come up with a plan to perform such restraint when I finally get my hands on this book. It's going to be a challenge like no other, because NOT ONLY could I read the last chapter and find out what happens, but there's going to be a family tree in the back of the book that I could look at and figure out how everyone is related, which would also be spoilerific. I'm seriously conflicted just thinking about it, and it doesn't come out until MARCH. What am I going to do when it's been 15 months since Clockwork Prince and finally, right in front of me, I have a chance to KNOW once and for all how it all goes down?!

She who feasts on tears of readers!

So, I don't usually do these kinds of posts on this blog but I think it's pretty relevant to my "never trust a duck" tag. Because today I met Cassandra Clare.

These things don't usually happen to me. I mean, I get lucky with meeting semi-famous people all the time, but I don't go to book signings because there are zero cool bookstores around my area who like to host events with YA authors. So I've pretty much resigned myself to preordering signed copies of books if I want them signed.

But. About a week and a half ago, I learned that Cassie Clare was having an event with Holly Black and Sarah Rees Brennan in Rhinebeck, New York. I looked up how far Rhinebeck is from where I live, and learned that it was less than two hours. And then I freaked out. I immediately texted my friend Kaitlin (who you might remember from my hypothetical-Shadowhunter-lives post) and asked if she'd want to go with me. We had to work out travel arrangements, which involved me casually saying to my mom, "So, would you be interested in going to that book signing?" and my sister insisting that she HAD to come because I talk about "THIS WOMAN all the time" and it ruins her life. [To be clear: I do not talk about Cassie all the time. I talk about her characters all the time.] Anyway, and then there was this whole debacle about me having to work today, but that was resolved when my manager accidentally gave me the day off, then asked me if I could work, and I told her I had plans.

So, I got up at 5:40am. My sister and I are housesitting for our aunt, so after getting ready we had to meet our mom at home, and then we had to drop my sister's car off at our dad's to get her brakes fixed. Anyway, we officially left around 7:40. In the morning.

The bookstore had emailed all of the attendees saying that tickets for the signing line would be first-come-first-serve, starting when they opened at 10am, so being a regular concert-goer, I figured we had to be there early. We got there around 9:15, and there was nobody there. At all. We waited in the car, and then Kaitlin met up with us, and someone else showed up too and went to the door. So we got out and waited a while, and then they let us in and we got signing line tickets. Two different groups between the four of us, but whatever. Having gone to the Tour de Nerdfighting for TFiOS, we were used to the signing line groups and didn't really care.

After that, we had to find something to do until seating started at 3. We walked around Rhinebeck. A lot. Turns out, Rhinebeck is a really old town with some really neat old buildings, but it is also a really boring town. We didn't want to lose our parking spot so we tried to find things to do within walking distance, and it was not easy-- we went to a farmer's market and got cider donuts, walked around, went back to the bookstore, I FOUND FOUR SIGNED COPIES OF AWESOME BOOKS, walked around some more, went to lunch, and it was still barely 12:30. Pretty much the whole area we had to walk around consisted of two sidewalks that went maybe half a mile before ending or turning into a residential area, intersecting in the middle. Not to mention it was 93 degrees out and many of the places we went into didn't have air conditioning. So we got ice cream! And walked more! I'm using exclamation points because I'm trying to make Rhinebeck sound more exciting!

We went back to the bookstore a little before 2:00 and sat down, but they said they'd be kicking everyone out at 2:45 to line up outside, so we just went out and started the line ourselves so that we could be in the front. We were in the second row for the event and while we may not have had to get up as early as we did to be there, I was glad we weren't in the back.

Anyway, Holly, Cassie and Sarah came out at 4 and each read something from their upcoming books. Holly read the first chapter (?) of her totally new book (it hasn't even been seen by her editor yet) The Coldest Girl in Coldtown, Cassie read the prologue of Clockwork Princess (!!!!!! Will and Jem's first meeting, from Charlotte's perspective slafhds;fknl), and Sarah read/acted-out a chapter from Unspoken, which I'm pretty sure I preordered a while ago and I'm excited to read it. Can I just say, Sarah Rees Brennan is an extremely amusing person? Like, she was the only one there whose books I haven't read yet, but I'm glad she was there in all her cardigan-unbuttoning, Taylor Swift fangirling, sometimes-Irish-accented glory.

After that they took audience questions and it was extremely amusing. Being me, I could not help but analyze every single thing Cassie said that related to the Infernal Devices, and I also could not help but notice that whenever she was talking about the love triangle or just Will and Jem, she always said Will's name first or talked about Will and Tessa's relationship first. Also his name is the first word of the prologue, which means it's the first word of the book (side note: he is also the first character mentioned in the whole series). Huzzah! That's got to mean something, right?! *wishful thinking*

They also gave away many prizes to people who asked questions, and I suffered the curse of the introvert yet again: if you don't speak up, you get nothing. Including a clockwork angel. 

So after the Q&A they started the signing with Group 1. My sister and my mom were in that group, so my sister took my Clockwork Angel to have signed, and then she met me in the signing line to show me that Cassie wrote on the wrong page and printed her name instead of doing her signature ahaha. Oh well. Then I had Holly sign Black Hearts, Cassie Clockwork Prince, and Sarah The Demon's Lexicon. We stood at the signing table for a while because the people before us were talking to Sarah, so Cassie asked me if I'm a Will girl or a Jem girl, and naturally I said "Will." She told me that nobody at the signing had said Jem yet, and I said, "Well I like them both!" Then she was like, "Well sure, you don't want Jem to die, right?" And then she and Holly started talking about crazy things that could happen, including Will murdering Jem. Kaitlin was like, "You have no idea how often we talk about this!" She didn't mean the whole murder scenario, but I'm not sure Cassie and Holly realized that, considering their faces when she said it:

God, I'm laughing so hard right now. When we got to Sarah, Kaitlin had to talk to her about Revenge, and she proceeded to ask me if I watch it and I said no, so she wrote in my book, "For Paige-- Watch Revenge! --Sarah Rees Brennan"

So yeah. It was good times. I went with the intention of getting 4 books signed, and left Rhinebeck with EIGHT autographed copies of some of my favorite books (and Pandemonium). I think that is the definition of SCORE.

Also I would like to comment on how quick-witted Cassie Clare is. Like, the words that come out of her mouth are words that would never even pop into my head. I'm not sure I can explain it... but let me just say it makes sense that she is a writer. And that her characters are so awesome.

Why will I go down with this ship?

So, it seems that Cassandra Clare has challenged me to write an essay. Well, not me personally, but I take it personally. This question-asker is QUESTIONING MY SHIP.

Why does everyone like Tessa and Will so much as a couple? I keep seeing blogs and posts and all I can think is “Tessa and Jem, Tessa and Jem, TESSA AND JEM!” It saddens me. 

Alright. I have broached this topic many a time on this blog, but I think it's time I compiled it all together for you.

Part I: Do you read?

From the perspective of an avid reader/fangirl (and let's get this straight: Tessa and Will are fangirls), it's hard not to see why Will/Tessa is the perfect ship. Lovely asker of this horrid question, can I presume that you are a reader? I mean, I think I can, given the fact that you have messaged an author about a book. So I ask you, don't you love finding people with whom you can talk about books? Someone who understands your love for people who are not real? Who can empathize when your favorite character dies, or is heartbroken, or is in pain of any kind? Yes? Do you also love telling people about your favorite books, or getting them to change their mind when they're not a fan? Yes?

Well, surely you see where I am going with this. Tessa and Will have both spent their lives hiding inside novels. Both have felt-- if not been-- alone for a long time, so they made friends inside the pages of Vathek and A Tale of Two Cities, among others. Not only this, but Tessa has been completely cut off from every real person she knew before arriving at the Institute; she has no one except the Shadowhunters. Will, on the other hand, can finally stop cutting himself off from other people. This realization comes quite soon after Tessa convinces Will to try A Tale of Two Cities again after he had dismissed it, and he falls in love with it. Do you think it a simple feat to change Will Herondale's mind, about anything? Need I remind you of his hatred for ducks and his conviction that demon pox existed? So yeah, I think the fact that Tessa had the power to change his mind screams something big about their relationship.

But let's back up here. Your question seems to be more Tessa-specific, as in "Why do people want her to be with Will, to choose Will, instead of Jem?"

Part II: Why not Jem?

I'll tell you. Because Will is Tessa-specific. Jem is the guy that everyone loves, who connects with her because he is there for her, he's her friend, he cares about her. But those are all extremely general things to look for in someone. And let's not ignore the fact that Will has those qualities too, with the added benefit of actually having things in common with her.

It's kind of late and I'm having trouble coming up with words, but there is good news! I have already written a fairly relevant post about this, so here's a pretty long, slightly modified excerpt explaining why I ship Tessa and Will.

I think it's important to believe in couples based on their actual relationships, and not based on their comparisons with other couples. By which I mean that saying you ship Jem/Tessa because Jem and Tessa are friends and know each other pretty well is pretty short-sighted, and in my opinion a little incorrect. Will knows Tessa. Knows her enough to see that writing an apology of sorts in one of her favorite books will make her come around to him; knows and understands when she still loves Nate even after everything he's done; knows her enough to differentiate between when she can stand up for herself and when she needs his help. Jem does say that Tessa won't break, but he still often treats her like she will. He's never in favor of letting her do things that put her in danger, even when they're important to her. Will understands that when something is important to Tessa, it's better to help her than to try to stop her. And yet, I agree that there are a lot of things Jem and Tessa know about each other that Will doesn't. That even makes me ship Will/Tessa more, because I don't really buy into the notion that a better friendship always leads to a better relationship. Tessa loves Jem because of the things she knows about him, but she loves Will despite all the good things she doesn't yet know about him. Now that she has the chance to learn what kind of person he really is-- and she has already begun, based on how he agreed to suffer in silence so that Jem could be happy-- she'll see that he's actually just as good a person as Jem is, and that can only make her love him more. He won't always have to be the mysterious, angsty Will Herondale who pushes people away.

I ship Will/Tessa because, to me, they are equals in their relationship. They can stand not only side-by-side, but toe-to-toe as well. They have disagreements. Neither of them is uncomfortable arguing with the other-- in fact, I think Will finds it amusing and Tessa gets unrivaled satisfaction out of taking Will down a few pegs. As someone else (whose tumblr URL I do not remember) said, he doesn't get to put on the Will Herondale Show with her. But still they protect and comfort and joke around with each other, because they are friends just as much as Tessa and Jem are.

People seem to be under the impression that Will only loves Tessa because of the things she wrote in her letters, which is not true. Although they are a part of it-- and I will point out that they were letters she never thought anyone would see, so she was free to be her true self, and he loves that Tessa as well as the external Tessa-- he loves her because of who she is. He says he fell in love with her almost the moment he met her. Not love at first sight, but not love that only came from her letters either. He loves her because she is passionate, she genuinely cares about people, and she makes him laugh [which is pretty difficult for anyone except Will himself to do]. He loves who she is, just as Jem does. But Jem and Tessa do not seem like equals in their relationship, because they are always so eager to take care of each other (Jem with the over-concern every time Tessa does something dangerous, Tessa with the agreeing to marry Jem to make him happy, regardless of her internal conflict). It seems like one of them is always standing behind the other, rather than side-by-side. Which is fine, but there has to be more. They can't be afraid to disagree or yell or argue with each other. Yes, they have passion and are obviously attracted to one another, but Jem loves Tessa so much that he actually believes his love for her is keeping him alive, while Tessa is completely torn between him and Will. It's not really a good balance. She has chosen, but only* because she was under the totally reasonable impression that being with Will was not a possibility. She mentally chastises herself every time she thinks of Will-- but still she thinks of him. It's not possible or fair (to anyone) to ignore that, just because Jem is the more pragmatic choice.

The big question is really who Tessa loves more, to which I believe the answer is Will. If she truly loved Jem more, this triangle wouldn't be quite such a big problem, would it? She wouldn't be burning herself on fire stokers or sneaking glances at Will or wondering about who he really is. She might be pained by Will's pain, but she wouldn't torture herself over it.

* I say "only" not to minimize Tessa's feelings for Jem by insisting that she only picked him because she couldn't have Will, but to point out that she probably would not yet have chosen either of them if she had actually thought she could be with Will.

Part III: The future

Let's take a look into the ghosts of Christmas futures, shall we?

Christmas, 1889:

Jem has managed not to die somehow, and he and Tessa have been married for ten years.

Tessa: "This book of poems you gave me is lovely! I must share it with someone!"

Jem: "I am so glad you enjoyed it, but you must know that I have not read it..."

Tessa: "Oh, of course. I know you do not like poetry, it is just that when I read poems such as these I love to discuss them, and Will has gone to Wales for the weekend..."

Jem: "I wish that I could appreciate them as you do, but I just-- perhaps it can wait until he returns?"

Tessa: *sad face*

Christmas, 1889:

Tessa and Jem were married for nine years, and then Jem died. Tessa still mourns his death. She and Will spend all of Christmas reading to escape reality.

Christmas, 1889:

Tessa and Will have been together for nine years and married for ohhhh let's say five.

Tessa: "This book of poems you gave me is lovely!"

Will: "Which book would that be, Tess?"

Tessa: *holds up book*

Will: "Oh, that one. I thought you might like it. Personally, my favorite part is the inscription from that gentleman with the winning sense of humor and such a talent for songwriting. I imagine he must be--"

Tessa: "Very good-looking, yes, I've heard. Though I am fairly certain that Church the cat could write better songs."

Will: *sings song about Church the cat*

Another TID rant because feels

I think I'm convincing myself that Brother Zachariah is not Will.

I mean, the similarities in physical description are so obvious that it makes me think it's some of the "intentionally misleading information" she told us about. And maybe Brother Z. looks like Will because he's a Herondale. Because he's Stephen Herondale.

And the two people he would have done anything for, she wants us to think they're Jem and Tessa, but they're actually Amatis and Jace. Because "in his heart, he was true to Amatis" or whatever.

But then... does this make me happy? I don't know.

It makes me happy because it means Will isn't a Silent Brother! Will can't be a Silent Brother, with the sewn eyes and mouth and the weird creepy mental talking and the complete lack of humor/sarcasm/general Will-ness.

But it also worries me because if he's not a Silent Brother, what happens to him? "I've known parabatai so close they were almost the same person. Do you know what happens, when one of them dies, to the one that's left?" So either Will dies, and Jem's the one that's left, or Jem dies, and something bad happens to Will because of it. I can't.

Sometimes I worry that I make it seem like the only character I care about is Will, but he's not. I swear.

Honestly I was unsure about Tessa as a main character at first. I didn't understand how she could grow up in a small apartment in New York City and then have an air of entitlement the minute she got to London. I didn't like her attitude.

But then I grew to love her attitude. Tessa has spunk-- but not the Clary kind of spunk where she does whatever she wants no matter what anyone tells her not to do. Tessa's spunk more involves her words and her beliefs, which I love. Girlfriend is excellent at telling people off. And then she finds herself torn between Will and Jem, and instead of burdening Will with the knowledge that she loves him but can't do anything about it, she keeps the burden for herself. She burns herself with a fire poker because it's an external release for the internal pressure she's voluntarily facing. All so that Will doesn't have to face that pressure too.

Additionally, Tessa treats Sophie with the kind of respect that servants in that era didn't usually receive. Granted Sophie is a Shadowhunter servant and everyone respects her to some extent, but Tessa sees her as a friend. She actively roots for what's best for Sophie, even if Sophie herself doesn't think she can get it. And then there are Charlotte and Henry, both of whom I love, and to whom Tessa is completely loyal even though she is not a Shadowhunter and doesn't really belong at the Institute.

And Jem. I care about Jem almost as much as I care about Will. Almost. It's just that with him, I've always assumed he was going to die, because everyone in the books has always assumed he was going to die. Because he's dying. He is literally addicted to a drug that is literally killing him. I'm not saying his death is inevitable, because hello, we're talking about Cassie Clare here, but I've tried not to let myself get that attached to Jem. Even when I was reading Clockwork Angel and was unsure about exactly how much I liked Will, and I knew for sure that I liked Jem, I told myself that I shouldn't love him because he'd either turn out to be evil or he'd die. After the Blackfriars Bridge scene, I remember thinking to myself, "Dang. Not evil. Well, how is this going to work?"

And I'm still asking myself that question.

ALL the FEELS

Hey! My blog now has exactly 5,000 pageviews! [Special thanks to all of the people who google "Hunger Games Dictionary" and come here because I'm the only person who's been clever enough to make one]

But right now, I must start talking about City of Lost Souls. I am not done with it yet, so I'll probably edit this post tomorrow when I will most likely finish it, but keeping it inside has not been good for my health.

I mean, LOOK AT THIS:

All those sticky notes? Those are all the Infernal Devices references/clues I have found so far. I had to keep track of them because I MUST FIGURE THIS OUT.

But, backing up. Let's start with the first one:

Clary's in the library at the New York Institute, and she finds "a pendant in the shape of an angel whose wings were clockwork cogs and gears" ...how in the world did Tessa's angel end up in the New York Institute? Why did she take it off? Why give it to Shadowhunters? Why do they keep it in the library like it's some kind of important historical artifact?

Second:

Clary and Jocelyn are talking about Clary's birth ceremony, and Jocelyn says, "A Silent Brother was present, someone sworn to secrecy, and a female warlock who took the place of the Iron Sister." And then Clary asks who the female warlock was, but Jocelyn doesn't answer. I mean, obviously it was Tessa. I love that Tessa is a part of Clary's life somehow, even if it's not in a very important way (or maybe it is). Also, the Silent Brother who was there...

Third:

Jace says, "Technically, my family is British..." Lol. Yeah, so stop disowning the Herondale name, por favor.

Fourth:

Brother. Zachariah. Okay, this is a big theory-- I almost don't even want to say it, but I have to-- but... I am seriously getting the vibe from this book that Brother Zachariah is Will or Jem. He has high cheekbones, slender fingers, and dark hair. Now, before you go thinking, well Jem doesn't have dark hair, he has silver hair! let me just tell you why I think it could be Jem. Jem is Asian. The only reason he has silver hair is because of the drug that's killing him and keeping him alive. If he became a Silent Brother, he wouldn't need the drug to keep him alive anymore. His hair could go back to its regular color. At the same time, I don't think it's an accident that the Silent Brothers have their eyes sewn shut-- the color of someone's eyes could surely give away their identity. Specifically if you have unforgettable blue eyes. Another thing that gets me is that Brother Zachariah is always going on about his "ties" with the Herondale family, and saving the Herondale bloodline. Now, the "ties" part makes me think more of Jem, because of the parabatai oath and tying their souls together or whatever, but the focus on saving the Herondale name is surely more of a Will concern. I'M SO CONFUSED. Oh, and... if Brother Zachariah is either Jem or Will, would he have been the Silent Brother at Clary's birth ceremony with Tessa? HMMM???

Fifth:

When Brother Zachariah says, You are the central point about which his world spins. That has not changed. I cannot tell if this is more of a Jem-like or Will-like thing to say. But it kills me all the same.

Sixth:

Magnus, you're killing me. "God knows we're all drawn toward what's beautiful and broken. I have been," (WILL), "but some people cannot be fixed. Or if they can be, it's only by love and sacrifice so great that it destroys the giver." (JEM)

"I know about parabatai. I've known parabatai so close they were almost the same person. Do you know what happens, when one of them dies, to the one who's left--" STOP IT RIGHT NOW. I don't want to think about this right now.

Seventh:

Jace hates ducks. Not really a clue or anything, I just think it's worth noting.

Eighth:

When they're giving their happy memories to Azazel, and Simon sees Magnus's memory: "the corner of a satin dress that belled out as its wearer spun, a glimpse of Magnus's face, a boy with blue eyes" ...I love that it seems like Magnus's memories are so tied up in Will's life. The satin dress... happy memory... blue eyes... it makes me think things.

Ninth:

BROTHER ZACHARIAH. I was once a Shadowhunter like you. I lived like you do. And like you, there were those I loved enough to put their welfare before anything else-- any oath, any debt.

And try not to let fear for Jace devour you. He is a Herondale, and they are survivors--

Oh yeah? Herondales are survivors? Got any examples of that? Because, um, I'm pretty sure Jace is the only one. Unless you know something I don't, Brother Zachariah. Care to share?
And then Maryse asks him if he had kids, and he says No, no kids. I mean...

Tenth:

Page 386. I can't even.

Clary wants Jace to read to her. Jace picks up A Tale of Two Cities, of all books. OF ALL FREAKING BOOKS. The inscription: "With hope at last, William Herondale." I'm dead. Hope? Will? Those two things don't often come together. It makes me feel simultaneously optimistic and pessimistic. And then:

He unshaded his face after a little while, and spoke steadily. "Don't be afraid to hear me. Don't shrink from anything I say. I am like one who died young. All my life might have been."

"No, Mr. Carton. I am sure that the best part of it might still be; I am sure you might be much, much worthier of yourself--"

Of all the passages, of all the books. Will compares himself to Sydney Carton. Worthier of yourself. The person is telling him not to give up on himself. Someone surely is going to say something like this to Will, right?

And then Clary goes and says, "Oh, I do remember this story now. Love triangle. She picks the boring guy." There has to be a reason Clary's reaction was written that way. I mean, she's obviously disappointed. Which makes me feel-- and I might be leaping here-- like the author was disappointed. So maybe she wants to rewrite A Tale of Two Cities, and have her not pick the boring guy.

Needless to say, I'm done reading for the night. I can't handle this anymore. Also, I'm sorry I don't actually care that much about the actual TMI characters/plot. I'm too invested in their ancestors.

UPDATE:
I finished City of Lost Souls this morning. There was one more Infernal Devices reference that juuust about killed me. Also, I figured some other things out.
The last reference:

Oh, Clary, you're onto something. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Okay, so after going back and reading the first description of Will in Clockwork Angel, I've realized that the description of Brother Zachariah-- angled cheekbones, slender fingers, dark hair-- is not the kind of similar you can ignore. It's blatantly similar, like either Cassie's trying to mislead us into thinking Brother Zachariah is Will, or she's giving us hints that he actually is Will.
I mean, there's the physical description. There's his focus on saving the Herondale name. There's the "two people" he would have died for. The fact that he knows Magnus. The "no kids" thing... I mean, he could be lying because if he said he'd had kids, Maryse might have asked him who they were, and he'd have to be like, Actually, they're your son's great-great-great grandparents. Or whatever. That would make sense because, as far as we know, Will doesn't have Herondale cousins, and he'd be the only person who could pass on the name. But it would also make sense if he weren't lying, because Tessa supposedly can't have kids (and let's face it, he's one of those "one woman for them, or no one" kinds of guys). And maybe he does have cousins. But why would one of his cousins' however-many-great grandchildren have his first name as their middle name?
We know that of Will and Jem, if you think about what Magnus said, one of them dies. And the other one, maybe, becomes a Silent Brother. But why would Will become a Silent Brother? To be immortal with Tessa? Something else? Is there something Will-related that will be resolved in Mortal Instruments-time? If you become a Silent Brother, can you ever go back? It doesn't seem fair that Will doesn't get to really be Will anymore. You can't see his eyes, he can't be sarcastic, he can't even talk. I can't decide if  my sadness at that fact would outweigh the relief I'd feel that Will's being Brother Zachariah would mean he survives.
Also, does he ever see Tessa? Where in the world does she live, anyway? There has to be a reason for them to both be in New York so often. Do the Silent Brothers have some kind of secret life, where they get to be normal people, and the sewn mouth and eyes are some kind of magic that allows you to hear their words without their actually talking?

All of this said, the possibility of Will being Brother Zachariah makes me really happy that Brother Zachariah seems to be becoming a bigger part of all the Mortal Instruments stuff. Like maybe City of Heavenly Fire will focus on him getting his happy ending too.

**UPDATE: Another theory floating around, which I entertained for a little while, is that Brother Zachariah is Stephen Herondale, aka Jace's father. This really throws a wrench in things. There was some reason I dismissed him, but at the moment I can't recall what it was, and that bothers me. It would make sense for Zachariah to be Stephen, because he's a Herondale-- which would explain the resemblance to Will-- and he knew Stephen's middle name, and he's concerned about Jace, and he's a fairly young Silent Brother. And the "no kids" thing would have been him covering his own identity, because once again, if he'd said he had kids, Maryse could have asked who his kids were. And he'd have to be like your son, actually. Also the "two people" he would die for could have been 1) His wife and his ex-wife, or 2) One of his wives and Jace.
The thing that still makes me feel more like it's Will is the you are the central point about which his world spins. I mean, I don't know if that's the kind of thing Stephen would say, but it's definitely the kind of thing Will would say.

**UPDATE #2: So I've been mulling over the information, and I've come to the conclusion that the most likely possibility for Brother Zachariah's identity is Stephen Herondale. I know I just said I feel more like it's Will, but that was over a month ago. Looking more objectively, it seems like Cassie wants us to think it's Will. Because he's the only one we actually know anything about, and she knows we're all curious about what happens to him. All of the clues point to Will-- but she also said that some of the clues are intentionally misleading. Which can only mean that it's not Will, right?

Infernal lives

This post is in response to this, in which my friend and I are given completely opposite lives as characters in the Infernal Devices. My life is fantastic, her life sucks. But I CAN FIX THIS!

Me:

Best friend: Charlotte

First kiss: Gabriel

First love: Will

Enemy: Jessamine

Going to kill me: duck

Going to marry: Will

This is very exciting. 

So, this is going to be a very interesting story when I get the chance to write it. I mean, I kiss Gabriel, then marry Will, and then a duck kills me. Poor Will (even in fantasy situations, I'm saying "poor Will." It's not fair).
UPDATE: Here is the story. I'm not writing it like an actual short story or anything, more like an explanation of why these relationships are the way they are.
Charlotte is my best friend because basically, she is the opposite of Jessamine. Which explains why Jessamine is my enemy, because I can't stand her. Can anyone really stand her? I mean, there's a reason why people say "even bloody Jessamine" when they're talking about Will protecting people from himself. Because it's kind of shocking that anyone, especially Will, would mind if she were to spontaneously cease living. Come to think of it, that would have been a great test for Will's curse-- let Jessamine care about him, and see if she dies. A lot of problems could have been avoided just by realizing that she wasn't going to die.
Which brings me to my next point-- my "first love." It is perfectly believable that Will would be my first love and that, even though I am strongly anti-marriage, I would marry him. Honestly, who would actually say no if he were to propose to them? Someone with no soul, maybe. But my love for Will has been complicated by his belief that anyone who loves him will die, which obviously caused him to push me away. And this is why I went and kissed Gabriel-- to make Will jealous. It worked, even though he couldn't admit it until he found out the curse wasn't real. And nobody ever saw Gabriel Lightwood again (until, see below). And we lived happily ever after.
Until, of course, Will's long-lost nemesis, Fletcher the Duck, came back with revenge on his mind. I mean, if you found out someone forced you to eat one of your own species (thereby turning you into a cannibal), you'd go after them too, right? Only going after Will was not enough for Fletcher the Duck. He wants Will to suffer the way he did when he found out he ate his little duck cousin, so he set his sights on me. We still don't know how he did it, but one thing is for sure: you can never trust a duck.

Kaitlin:

Best friend: Henry

First kiss: Jessamine

First love: Jessamine

Enemy: Jem

Going to kill me: Gabriel

Going to marry: Sophie

Her response: I’m cool with being Henry’s best friend because he is absolutely awesome and we’d have so much fun together trying not to blow everything up (by accident)!  But really?!  Jessamine?!  I can’t stand her!!  I think there may have been one scene when I liked her snarky personality, but then it was quickly replaced by her being really obnoxious!  I don’t want to have any sort of relationship with a girl who needs to be with a boy (and one I really want to kill) to feel complete!  I don’t know how Jem can be anyone’s enemy.  Although I would probably be my own enemy if I was in love with Jessamine.  Or maybe we don’t get along because I ship Will and Tessa.  Gabriel is a formidable opponent and I wouldn’t be too surprised if he killed me.  He probably killed me because I was really stupid.  I don’t deserve to live if I loved Jessamine.  I am not sure how I end up marrying Sophie, because Gabriel will already have killed me for loving Jessamine, but we’ll pretend that it is in the afterlife.  I’m actually not too upset by this.  As much as I would have preferred to marry a guy (*COUGH*WILL*COUGH*), Sophie was pretty cool.  Although I’m pretty sure she’d rather marry Thomas.

Well, obviously you couldn't have Will, because he's marrying *me* and he's not a polygamist ("Still, there are always some men like that - just one woman for them, and only she will do, or nothing."). BUT you can always tell your wife Sophie that you had promised to marry Jem (who was only your fake enemy because let's face it, Jem is not anyone's real enemy), the eligible bachelor, and she will divorce you because she is so protective of his heart. She'd rather marry Gideon anyway. And then you can marry Jem-- and maybe Jessamine will find out that Nate is dead and kill herself. I mean, not that I'm encouraging her suicide or anything... But anyway, we can live happily ever after, my best friend married to your best friend, my husband best friends with your husband-- until Gabriel pops in one day seeking revenge on Will with a plan to kill Jem [Will seems to have a lot of vengeful enemies], and you go all Shadowhunter warrior on him and kill each other at the same time. The End.

30-Day TID Challenge

So, instead of making my Tumblr un-pretty and annoying all of my followers with this, I'm going to do the 30-day challenge in one blog post, which I will edit and change the date of every day.

Day 1: Favorite book of the series

I honestly didn't care about this series that much until this book came out. And I hope my favorite changes when Clockwork Princess comes out.
Day 2: Will or Jem?
I love them both. (...Will.)
Day 3: Favorite scene in Clockwork Prince
The infirmary. Tessa thinks she's dreaming about Will being totally lovable but SHE'S NOT. He really IS totally lovable.
Day 4: Favorite Will quote
This one is SO hard. I can't choose, so I'm just going to write a couple standouts:
"I promise to charm the dickens out of him. I shall charm him with such force that when I am done, he will be left lying limply on the ground, trying to remember his own name."
"I have important business to get to. I plan to sulk all afternoon, followed, perhaps, by an evening of Byronic brooding and a nighttime of dissipation."
And, of course, my favorite part of his explanation for loving Tessa: "You make me laugh. From the moment you hit me on the head with that bottle."
Day 5: Favorite antagonist
Gabriel Lightwood. To me it seems like the other ones don't really have much character. Also I love the banter between him and Will.
Day 6: Favorite poem excerpt
But now, you are twain, you are cloven apart,
Flesh of his flesh, but heart of my heart;
And deep in one is the bitter root,
And sweet for one is the lifelong flower
Day 7: Favorite song of Bridget's
'Twas on an evening fair I went to take the air,
I heard a maid making her moan;
Said, 'Saw ye my father? Or saw ye my mother?
Or saw ye my brother John?
Or saw ye the lad that I love best,
And his name it is sweet William?'
*evil chuckle* I love you, Bridget.
Day 8: Shadowhunter crush
Is this even a question?
I repeat: "Or saw ye the lad that I love best,
And his name it is sweet William?"
Day 9: Downworlder crush
There isn't really much choice in this one. So, um, Magnus.
Day 10: Any characters you relate with?
Tessa and Will because of how much they read. And especially Will, because he does that whole pretending-he's-a-fictional-character thing (only... he is a fictional character. Imagine how happy he'd be if he knew that!)
Day 11: Most hated character
The Dark Sisters. They're creepy little minions who are actually worse than the real villain, in my opinion.
Day 12: Favorite Tessa/Will moment
Aside from the infirmary, this one:
"That demon woman you were lounging with on the divan," said Will. "Would you call her a friend, or more of a business associate?"
Benedict's dark eyes hardened. "Insolent puppy--"
"Oh, I'd say she was a friend," said Tessa. "One doesn't usually let one's business associates lick one's face. Although I could be wrong. What do I know about these things? I'm only a silly woman."
Will's mouth quirked up at the corner.
Day 13: Favorite Tessa/Jem moment
Probably on Blackfriars Bridge back when they were just friends. And then the automatons attacked and Jem went all look-my-cane-is-a-sword. Jem doesn't get to do stuff like that very often.
Day 14: Reaction to the ending of Clockwork Prince
I was excited. Cecily intrigues me.
Day 15: Favorite pairing
Non-OTP: Will and Jem, OTP: Will and Tessa.
Now that I think of it, I also love the Will/Gabriel pairing just because of how hilarious these situations are. I would love it if they had to team up for something.
Day 16: How do you feel about Tessa's indecisiveness about the boys?
I mean, I get it... but it's a little melodramatic, if you ask me. It's obvious which one she has stronger feelings for, and I kind of wish she would just put herself first this one time.
Day 17: Cast Jem, Will and Tessa
(I'm doing these based on looks alone, because I have no actual knowledge of their acting abilities. And if I did, I'm sure I wouldn't think anyone was good enough to portray Will to my satisfaction.)
Jem: the guy on the CP cover or Eiji Wentz
Will: Nicholas Hoult
Tessa: I haven't really thought about it. All of the girls I've seen fancasted as Tessa are too old to play her (except for Georgie Henley, who just doesn't scream Tessa to me), so I'd probably pick an unknown.
Day 18: Would you like to see the books made into movies?
No, not really. I feel like nobody could do it right, and it would ruin the characters for people who haven't read the books, and it would become A Thing, and I don't want it to be A Thing. I don't want it compared to Twilight, or even TMI for that matter (these books really are so much better than TMI). They're books. Leave it.
Day 19: Which kind of Downworlder would you want to be?
Well according to thefandom.net, I am a warlock. Which is cool because I can do magic and stuff, and also I'm immortal. But it would be cool to be a faerie and get people to do what I want.
Day 20: Favorite Shadowhunter
Wiiiiiilllliam Herondale. If I haven't made that clear.
Day 21: Favorite Downworlder
Not many options on this one, so Magnus Bane. I like how he sees the good in Will and knows Tessa does too, and I like how he doesn't really care what anyone thinks of him (you might say he cares what Camille thinks of him, but he openly kisses Will in front of her, so it's not like he's ashamed of himself. At all.)
Day 22: Favorite character overall
Oh, gee, I wonder. It's a total mystery.
Day 23: If you could change one thing about the books, what would it be?
Believe it or not, I would not change the love triangle. If I could change one thing, the books would make me care more about the automatons/Magister stuff, because while that stuff is kind of interesting, I find I'm always anticipating the character/secondary plot things rather than the primary plot things.
Day 24: Favorite place
I honestly don't think I have one.
Day 25: Any predictions?
Oh, I have predictions. Conflicting predictions, contingency predictions, completely outlandish and unreasonable predictions, predictions that could actually happen. None of which I'm interested in saying, other than that Jem will probably die :( and that Tessa is part Shadowhunter.
Day 26: Who do you think suits Tessa more, Will or Jem?
Jem suits the practical, traditional side of her, but Will suits the side of her that makes her Tessa.
Day 27: Is there another character you'd prefer to see her with?
Now why would I want to complicate things more?
Day 28: Thoughts on Jessamine
Can't stand her.
Day 29: Cast the rest of the characters
Uhhhh, no.
Day 30: Would you become a Shadowhunter, if given the chance?
Only if I could have a cool last name with two words in it, a la Heron-dale, Car-stairs, Bran-well, Light-wood,...

A reader scorned

So, earlier Cassie Clare reblogged someone who wrote an "essay" (not a formal one, obviously; it's Tumblr) about why she ships Jem/Tessa and Jace/Clary at the same time. Now, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bitter that she reblogged this Jem/Tessa shipper for her "thought-out" essay or whatever, while my [in all honesty] better-written, Will/Tessa-shipping ones sit ignored. But that's not what this is about. I actually agree that it is possible to ship Jem/Tessa and Jace/Clary, because the love triangles in which they are involved are nothing alike. It is not necessarily true that you must ship Will and Tessa if you ship Jace and Clary simply because Tessa and Clary are the main characters, and Will and Jace are the edgy Herondale boys with lots of angst.

Something to keep in mind: I never shipped Simon/Clary. I thought it was awkward. But I haven't always shipped Will/Tessa either. I knew I loved Will, but Jem intrigued me to the point where I was ambivalent about which choice Tessa should make. Until Clockwork Prince.

However, I don't really think it's useful to point out that shipping Jem/Tessa is possible even if you ship Jace/Clary. First of all, everyone ships Jace/Clary. If everyone who shipped Jace/Clary shipped Jem/Tessa, that would mean Jem is the more obvious choice-- which is kind of the whole problem with the TID love triangle. There is no obvious choice, because no matter what happens they're all going to get hurt. Also, Tessa and Clary are actually not that much alike. Neither, in fact, are Will and Jace, though they do have similarities. I think it's important to believe in couples based on their actual relationships, and not based on their comparisons with other couples. By which I mean that saying you ship Jem/Tessa because Jem and Tessa are friends and know each other pretty well is pretty short-sighted, and in my opinion a little incorrect. Will knows Tessa. Knows her enough to see that writing an apology of sorts in one of her favorite books will make her come around to him; knows and understands when she still loves Nate even after everything he's done; knows her enough to differentiate between when she can stand up for herself and when she needs his help. Jem does say that Tessa won't break, but he still often treats her like she will. He's never in favor of letting her do things that put her in danger, even when they're important to her. Will understands that when something is important to Tessa, it's better to help her than to try to stop her. And yet, I agree that there are a lot of things Jem and Tessa know about each other that Will doesn't. That even makes me ship Will/Tessa more, because I don't really buy into the notion that a better friendship always leads to a better relationship. Tessa loves Jem because of the things she knows about him, but she loves Will despite all the good things she doesn't yet know about him. Now that she has the chance to learn what kind of person he really is-- and she has already begun, based on how he agreed to suffer in silence so that Jem could be happy-- she'll see that he's actually just as good a person as Jem is, and that can only make her love him more. He won't always have to be the mysterious, angsty Will Herondale who pushes people away.

I ship Will/Tessa because, to me, they are equals in their relationship. They can stand not only side-by-side, but toe-to-toe as well [see picture above, for instance]. People seem to be under the impression that Will only loves Tessa because of the things she wrote in her letters, which is not true. Although they are a part of it-- and I will point out that they were letters she never thought anyone would see, so she was free to be her true self, and he loves that Tessa as well as the external Tessa-- he loves her because of who she is. He says he fell in love with her almost the moment he met her. Not love at first sight, but not love that only came from her letters either. He loves her because she is passionate, she genuinely cares about people, and she makes him laugh [which is pretty difficult for anyone except Will himself to do]. He loves who she is, just as Jem does. But Jem and Tessa do not seem like equals in their relationship, because they are always so eager to take care of each other (Jem with the over-concern every time Tessa does something dangerous, Tessa with the agreeing to marry Jem to make him happy). It seems like one of them is always standing behind the other, rather than side-by-side [again, see picture above]. Which is fine, but there has to be more. They can't be afraid to disagree or yell or argue with each other. Yes, they have passion and are obviously attracted to one another, but Jem loves Tessa so much that he actually believes his love for her is keeping him alive, while Tessa is completely torn between him and Will. She has chosen, but only* because she was under the totally reasonable impression that being with Will was not a possibility. She mentally chastises herself every time she thinks of Will-- but still she thinks of him. It's not possible or fair (to anyone) to ignore that, just because Jem is the more pragmatic choice.

The big question is really who Tessa loves more, to which I believe the answer is Will. If she truly loved Jem more, this triangle wouldn't be quite such a big problem, would it? She wouldn't be burning herself on fire stokers or sneaking glances at Will or wondering about who he really is. She might be pained by Will's pain, but she wouldn't torture herself over it.

To sum up:

Will/Tessa-- shared interests, side-by-side, make each other laugh, still more good things to learn, and I'm not going to lie: the angst does make it more romantic, at least in my opinion.
Jem/Tessa-- friends, deep affection for each other, happy together, but they stand behind each other (which is not always good).

* I say "only" not to minimize Tessa's feelings for Jem by insisting that she only picked him because she couldn't have Will, but to point out that she probably would not yet have chosen either of them if she had actually thought she could be with Will.