ALL the FEELS

Hey! My blog now has exactly 5,000 pageviews! [Special thanks to all of the people who google "Hunger Games Dictionary" and come here because I'm the only person who's been clever enough to make one]

But right now, I must start talking about City of Lost Souls. I am not done with it yet, so I'll probably edit this post tomorrow when I will most likely finish it, but keeping it inside has not been good for my health.

I mean, LOOK AT THIS:

All those sticky notes? Those are all the Infernal Devices references/clues I have found so far. I had to keep track of them because I MUST FIGURE THIS OUT.

But, backing up. Let's start with the first one:

Clary's in the library at the New York Institute, and she finds "a pendant in the shape of an angel whose wings were clockwork cogs and gears" ...how in the world did Tessa's angel end up in the New York Institute? Why did she take it off? Why give it to Shadowhunters? Why do they keep it in the library like it's some kind of important historical artifact?

Second:

Clary and Jocelyn are talking about Clary's birth ceremony, and Jocelyn says, "A Silent Brother was present, someone sworn to secrecy, and a female warlock who took the place of the Iron Sister." And then Clary asks who the female warlock was, but Jocelyn doesn't answer. I mean, obviously it was Tessa. I love that Tessa is a part of Clary's life somehow, even if it's not in a very important way (or maybe it is). Also, the Silent Brother who was there...

Third:

Jace says, "Technically, my family is British..." Lol. Yeah, so stop disowning the Herondale name, por favor.

Fourth:

Brother. Zachariah. Okay, this is a big theory-- I almost don't even want to say it, but I have to-- but... I am seriously getting the vibe from this book that Brother Zachariah is Will or Jem. He has high cheekbones, slender fingers, and dark hair. Now, before you go thinking, well Jem doesn't have dark hair, he has silver hair! let me just tell you why I think it could be Jem. Jem is Asian. The only reason he has silver hair is because of the drug that's killing him and keeping him alive. If he became a Silent Brother, he wouldn't need the drug to keep him alive anymore. His hair could go back to its regular color. At the same time, I don't think it's an accident that the Silent Brothers have their eyes sewn shut-- the color of someone's eyes could surely give away their identity. Specifically if you have unforgettable blue eyes. Another thing that gets me is that Brother Zachariah is always going on about his "ties" with the Herondale family, and saving the Herondale bloodline. Now, the "ties" part makes me think more of Jem, because of the parabatai oath and tying their souls together or whatever, but the focus on saving the Herondale name is surely more of a Will concern. I'M SO CONFUSED. Oh, and... if Brother Zachariah is either Jem or Will, would he have been the Silent Brother at Clary's birth ceremony with Tessa? HMMM???

Fifth:

When Brother Zachariah says, You are the central point about which his world spins. That has not changed. I cannot tell if this is more of a Jem-like or Will-like thing to say. But it kills me all the same.

Sixth:

Magnus, you're killing me. "God knows we're all drawn toward what's beautiful and broken. I have been," (WILL), "but some people cannot be fixed. Or if they can be, it's only by love and sacrifice so great that it destroys the giver." (JEM)

"I know about parabatai. I've known parabatai so close they were almost the same person. Do you know what happens, when one of them dies, to the one who's left--" STOP IT RIGHT NOW. I don't want to think about this right now.

Seventh:

Jace hates ducks. Not really a clue or anything, I just think it's worth noting.

Eighth:

When they're giving their happy memories to Azazel, and Simon sees Magnus's memory: "the corner of a satin dress that belled out as its wearer spun, a glimpse of Magnus's face, a boy with blue eyes" ...I love that it seems like Magnus's memories are so tied up in Will's life. The satin dress... happy memory... blue eyes... it makes me think things.

Ninth:

BROTHER ZACHARIAH. I was once a Shadowhunter like you. I lived like you do. And like you, there were those I loved enough to put their welfare before anything else-- any oath, any debt.

And try not to let fear for Jace devour you. He is a Herondale, and they are survivors--

Oh yeah? Herondales are survivors? Got any examples of that? Because, um, I'm pretty sure Jace is the only one. Unless you know something I don't, Brother Zachariah. Care to share?
And then Maryse asks him if he had kids, and he says No, no kids. I mean...

Tenth:

Page 386. I can't even.

Clary wants Jace to read to her. Jace picks up A Tale of Two Cities, of all books. OF ALL FREAKING BOOKS. The inscription: "With hope at last, William Herondale." I'm dead. Hope? Will? Those two things don't often come together. It makes me feel simultaneously optimistic and pessimistic. And then:

He unshaded his face after a little while, and spoke steadily. "Don't be afraid to hear me. Don't shrink from anything I say. I am like one who died young. All my life might have been."

"No, Mr. Carton. I am sure that the best part of it might still be; I am sure you might be much, much worthier of yourself--"

Of all the passages, of all the books. Will compares himself to Sydney Carton. Worthier of yourself. The person is telling him not to give up on himself. Someone surely is going to say something like this to Will, right?

And then Clary goes and says, "Oh, I do remember this story now. Love triangle. She picks the boring guy." There has to be a reason Clary's reaction was written that way. I mean, she's obviously disappointed. Which makes me feel-- and I might be leaping here-- like the author was disappointed. So maybe she wants to rewrite A Tale of Two Cities, and have her not pick the boring guy.

Needless to say, I'm done reading for the night. I can't handle this anymore. Also, I'm sorry I don't actually care that much about the actual TMI characters/plot. I'm too invested in their ancestors.

UPDATE:
I finished City of Lost Souls this morning. There was one more Infernal Devices reference that juuust about killed me. Also, I figured some other things out.
The last reference:

Oh, Clary, you're onto something. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Okay, so after going back and reading the first description of Will in Clockwork Angel, I've realized that the description of Brother Zachariah-- angled cheekbones, slender fingers, dark hair-- is not the kind of similar you can ignore. It's blatantly similar, like either Cassie's trying to mislead us into thinking Brother Zachariah is Will, or she's giving us hints that he actually is Will.
I mean, there's the physical description. There's his focus on saving the Herondale name. There's the "two people" he would have died for. The fact that he knows Magnus. The "no kids" thing... I mean, he could be lying because if he said he'd had kids, Maryse might have asked him who they were, and he'd have to be like, Actually, they're your son's great-great-great grandparents. Or whatever. That would make sense because, as far as we know, Will doesn't have Herondale cousins, and he'd be the only person who could pass on the name. But it would also make sense if he weren't lying, because Tessa supposedly can't have kids (and let's face it, he's one of those "one woman for them, or no one" kinds of guys). And maybe he does have cousins. But why would one of his cousins' however-many-great grandchildren have his first name as their middle name?
We know that of Will and Jem, if you think about what Magnus said, one of them dies. And the other one, maybe, becomes a Silent Brother. But why would Will become a Silent Brother? To be immortal with Tessa? Something else? Is there something Will-related that will be resolved in Mortal Instruments-time? If you become a Silent Brother, can you ever go back? It doesn't seem fair that Will doesn't get to really be Will anymore. You can't see his eyes, he can't be sarcastic, he can't even talk. I can't decide if  my sadness at that fact would outweigh the relief I'd feel that Will's being Brother Zachariah would mean he survives.
Also, does he ever see Tessa? Where in the world does she live, anyway? There has to be a reason for them to both be in New York so often. Do the Silent Brothers have some kind of secret life, where they get to be normal people, and the sewn mouth and eyes are some kind of magic that allows you to hear their words without their actually talking?

All of this said, the possibility of Will being Brother Zachariah makes me really happy that Brother Zachariah seems to be becoming a bigger part of all the Mortal Instruments stuff. Like maybe City of Heavenly Fire will focus on him getting his happy ending too.

**UPDATE: Another theory floating around, which I entertained for a little while, is that Brother Zachariah is Stephen Herondale, aka Jace's father. This really throws a wrench in things. There was some reason I dismissed him, but at the moment I can't recall what it was, and that bothers me. It would make sense for Zachariah to be Stephen, because he's a Herondale-- which would explain the resemblance to Will-- and he knew Stephen's middle name, and he's concerned about Jace, and he's a fairly young Silent Brother. And the "no kids" thing would have been him covering his own identity, because once again, if he'd said he had kids, Maryse could have asked who his kids were. And he'd have to be like your son, actually. Also the "two people" he would die for could have been 1) His wife and his ex-wife, or 2) One of his wives and Jace.
The thing that still makes me feel more like it's Will is the you are the central point about which his world spins. I mean, I don't know if that's the kind of thing Stephen would say, but it's definitely the kind of thing Will would say.

**UPDATE #2: So I've been mulling over the information, and I've come to the conclusion that the most likely possibility for Brother Zachariah's identity is Stephen Herondale. I know I just said I feel more like it's Will, but that was over a month ago. Looking more objectively, it seems like Cassie wants us to think it's Will. Because he's the only one we actually know anything about, and she knows we're all curious about what happens to him. All of the clues point to Will-- but she also said that some of the clues are intentionally misleading. Which can only mean that it's not Will, right?

Infernal lives

This post is in response to this, in which my friend and I are given completely opposite lives as characters in the Infernal Devices. My life is fantastic, her life sucks. But I CAN FIX THIS!

Me:

Best friend: Charlotte

First kiss: Gabriel

First love: Will

Enemy: Jessamine

Going to kill me: duck

Going to marry: Will

This is very exciting. 

So, this is going to be a very interesting story when I get the chance to write it. I mean, I kiss Gabriel, then marry Will, and then a duck kills me. Poor Will (even in fantasy situations, I'm saying "poor Will." It's not fair).
UPDATE: Here is the story. I'm not writing it like an actual short story or anything, more like an explanation of why these relationships are the way they are.
Charlotte is my best friend because basically, she is the opposite of Jessamine. Which explains why Jessamine is my enemy, because I can't stand her. Can anyone really stand her? I mean, there's a reason why people say "even bloody Jessamine" when they're talking about Will protecting people from himself. Because it's kind of shocking that anyone, especially Will, would mind if she were to spontaneously cease living. Come to think of it, that would have been a great test for Will's curse-- let Jessamine care about him, and see if she dies. A lot of problems could have been avoided just by realizing that she wasn't going to die.
Which brings me to my next point-- my "first love." It is perfectly believable that Will would be my first love and that, even though I am strongly anti-marriage, I would marry him. Honestly, who would actually say no if he were to propose to them? Someone with no soul, maybe. But my love for Will has been complicated by his belief that anyone who loves him will die, which obviously caused him to push me away. And this is why I went and kissed Gabriel-- to make Will jealous. It worked, even though he couldn't admit it until he found out the curse wasn't real. And nobody ever saw Gabriel Lightwood again (until, see below). And we lived happily ever after.
Until, of course, Will's long-lost nemesis, Fletcher the Duck, came back with revenge on his mind. I mean, if you found out someone forced you to eat one of your own species (thereby turning you into a cannibal), you'd go after them too, right? Only going after Will was not enough for Fletcher the Duck. He wants Will to suffer the way he did when he found out he ate his little duck cousin, so he set his sights on me. We still don't know how he did it, but one thing is for sure: you can never trust a duck.

Kaitlin:

Best friend: Henry

First kiss: Jessamine

First love: Jessamine

Enemy: Jem

Going to kill me: Gabriel

Going to marry: Sophie

Her response: I’m cool with being Henry’s best friend because he is absolutely awesome and we’d have so much fun together trying not to blow everything up (by accident)!  But really?!  Jessamine?!  I can’t stand her!!  I think there may have been one scene when I liked her snarky personality, but then it was quickly replaced by her being really obnoxious!  I don’t want to have any sort of relationship with a girl who needs to be with a boy (and one I really want to kill) to feel complete!  I don’t know how Jem can be anyone’s enemy.  Although I would probably be my own enemy if I was in love with Jessamine.  Or maybe we don’t get along because I ship Will and Tessa.  Gabriel is a formidable opponent and I wouldn’t be too surprised if he killed me.  He probably killed me because I was really stupid.  I don’t deserve to live if I loved Jessamine.  I am not sure how I end up marrying Sophie, because Gabriel will already have killed me for loving Jessamine, but we’ll pretend that it is in the afterlife.  I’m actually not too upset by this.  As much as I would have preferred to marry a guy (*COUGH*WILL*COUGH*), Sophie was pretty cool.  Although I’m pretty sure she’d rather marry Thomas.

Well, obviously you couldn't have Will, because he's marrying *me* and he's not a polygamist ("Still, there are always some men like that - just one woman for them, and only she will do, or nothing."). BUT you can always tell your wife Sophie that you had promised to marry Jem (who was only your fake enemy because let's face it, Jem is not anyone's real enemy), the eligible bachelor, and she will divorce you because she is so protective of his heart. She'd rather marry Gideon anyway. And then you can marry Jem-- and maybe Jessamine will find out that Nate is dead and kill herself. I mean, not that I'm encouraging her suicide or anything... But anyway, we can live happily ever after, my best friend married to your best friend, my husband best friends with your husband-- until Gabriel pops in one day seeking revenge on Will with a plan to kill Jem [Will seems to have a lot of vengeful enemies], and you go all Shadowhunter warrior on him and kill each other at the same time. The End.

NOoooooOOOOoo

Okay, while my blog is still ruminating on my fear of change, I'm going to run with that thought. And talk about my fear of my favorite books becoming movies, which I'm pretty sure stems from my fear of change.

photo

When I really like a book, I like it the way it is. I like my experience of it, and don't want it to be tainted by seeing other people experience it differently. Do I get happy to find out that certain books are going to become movies? Yes! Like, for instance, If I Stay. The whole time I was reading that book, I wanted it to be a movie. The Sky is Everywhere? Sure, why not! These are books that I know aren't going to become big, huge, blockbuster movies. They're also books that don't involve a lot of picturing of the characters-- like, I honestly couldn't tell you what the physical description of Adam is, or what Joe Fontaine looks like other than that galaxy-brightening smile. So my versions of the characters can't really be changed by the casts of the movies.

But say, like, Anna and the French Kiss were to become a movie. I know that Nickelodeon has bought the rights to it, and that totally freaks me out. Not only because Nickelodeon is for little kids and so they'd have to change a larger fraction of the content than you'd think, or because Nickelodeon could turn it into a crappy half-hour television show or a crappy hour-and-a-half television movie, but because I know in my head who these characters are to me. I don't want everyone else to see them differently; I want people to see them as they are in the book. It terrifies me to no end to think that Anna Oliphant and Etienne St. Clair could become household names to teenybopping Nickelodeon-watchers or scowling know-it-all television/movie critics. Or, even if that didn't happen and viewers and critics alike loved Anna, I'd still hate it because I'd feel like these people don't know, you know? They just wouldn't get it. Plus the characters would look different and the story would feel different and just, agh, I can't.

And now I'm starting to make no sense. Let me backtrack and explain what brought on this panic attack:

Apparently, Delirium is in the process of becoming a movie. As in, the script has been written and there are people working to make it happen, including Lauren Oliver, who has been "brainstorming" cast ideas. I'm even more afraid for this series to become movies than I was for The Hunger Games, because deep down I knew that The Hunger Games couldn't really be interpreted as "another Twilight" (yep, that again). I'm not so sure with Delirium. Personally I don't think it is another Twilight-- by which I mean it's not all about a swoony nonsense romance. It's about a society that has outlawed love, where they do procedures on your 18th birthday to make sure you can never love anything or anyone. It's actually really twisted! The main character starts out a passive 17-year-old who's afraid of getting the "disease" (amor delirium nervosa), but she ends up a totally kick-butt character who's dared to defy everything she has been taught to accept, and adore everything she's been taught to reject.

I don't want this to become a movie because, okay, I have a fear of narrow-minded people. The people who will watch the movie and label it as "this thing that's been done before" or "that thing that's been done before," just because of the romance. The romance in this story is actually necessary to the character and plot development; without it, nothing would happen. Yet I'm afraid that people will criticize it for the focus on Lena and Alex's relationship-- how Alex watched her from afar until she noticed him and they fell in love, how Lena ends up willing to leave everything she knows behind because of him. They won't see that Alex helped her find the fault in life inside the fence, or that Lena isn't only willing to leave so she can be with Alex, but so she can be without the wrongness of forcing people to live without love. They'll hone in on "girl sees mysterious boy, mysterious boy shows up again, mysterious boy gives her a mysterious amount of attention, girl and mysterious boy fall in love, plan to run away together." Which is wrong.

There's also the problem of movies changing the characters, even in the slightest ways. If I'm attached to a character in a book, I want to be attached to that character just as much in the movie, but it doesn't tend to happen that way. Here comes an example you probably didn't see coming: Peeta Mellark. Don't get me wrong, I loved The Hunger Games movie. I'm seeing it a fifth time this weekend. But... Peeta. Josh Hutcherson does a wonderful job with the role, but I felt like he wasn't given enough of Peeta's material to work with. A lot of the dialogue in the cave scene was cut out, as were a lot of Peeta's funniest moments that made him seem like more of a real person to me. Movie Peeta just isn't the same as book Peeta, and I always fear that happening with my favorite characters.

Not to mention, if they make Delirium a movie, they'll have to make Pandemonium a movie. Which is going to SUCK A LOT (Julian, ugh) but I'll have to see it. And also they'll have to find a way to get whoever plays Alex to be okay with a lot less screen time in the second movie.

And then there's the whole phenomenon where a book series that becomes a movie series eventually becomes, to most people, only a movie series. People think Twilight, they don't think of the books-- they think of KStew and RPattz and Taylor Lautner's abs. Which is a big change, if you ask me. And have I mentioned I hate change?

But who knows? Harry Potter and The Hunger Games have certainly done well enough to vouch for books-turned-movies. But they're in the smallest section of the Venn-diagram:

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, Hollywood needs to learn to leave well enough alone. Or make sure that not leaving it alone is the best choice for everyone.

The Ebook Debacle

This post is in response to Maureen Johnson's amusing and informational explanation of what is currently going on with the Department of Justice filing a suit against Apple for collusion to set ebook prices.

I just thought this would be a funny picture to use.

I'm telling you, ebooks are nothing but trouble.

Let me just point out, I'm not anti-ebook because I think "real readers" read "real books." It could have something to do with the fear of change thing, like MJ said, because I like my books the way they are. I like that they all look and smell different and I can carry one around and feel like I'm carrying that book, dedicated solely to it, rather than hundreds of others at the same time. MJ's right; fear of change is a useless and endless fear, but that doesn't mean I can just get rid of it. If I don't want an ebook because I'm afraid of change, I'm not going to tell myself "well, that's not a good excuse," and go out and buy one. That's just not how it works.

But this isn't about whether or not ebooks themselves are good or bad; it's about whether what Amazon is doing to their prices is good or bad. As a college student with dwindling book-buying funds, I have to say I don't see what's wrong with Amazon's low prices. From my experience, the company isn't just about giving the lowest prices-- they also have great customer service and a comprehensive system for recommendations and ratings that are helpful when deciding what to buy. Monopolies are bad, yes, but sometimes they're just bad, not Evil Companies of Doom. I understand the problem with having one bookseller in the world-- if that did happen-- because they could get there and then decide to jack up the prices, or make their own rules, or whatever else monopolies have done in that past that led to all these anti-trust laws and such. However, I think there is something to be said for a good business and a good company, which I believe Amazon is (note that "good" is not synonymous with "moral"). It's the other ones that are the problem, because they haven't yet found a way to successfully compete without defying the law.

So yeah, I wish I could buy books from anywhere but Amazon, but I can't. I can't afford to drop $16.99 at Barnes & Noble for a book that could cost me $10.52 on Amazon. Also, Amazon buys my textbooks back from me and gives me gift cards in return, which I use to buy more books. I realize that this is just another tactic to monopolize the industry, but I'm okay with it. It benefits me. Maybe that's selfish, but I don't really need the weight of every non-Amazon bookseller on my shoulders either. Amazon has found its gimmick and I think now it's time for others to find theirs. Tough love, baby.

Tisk tisk, voters.

How the YA March Madness tournament looks in the bottom right-hand corner:

Wait. What?

Now, don't get me wrong. I love Anna and the French Kiss. If it were up against anything except The Fault in Our Stars, I'd say it should probably win. But TFiOS should not have lost that battle, because frankly it should not lose any battle. Which is why it REALLY doesn't make sense that Anna, after beating TFiOS, went on to lose to Hush, Hush. WHAT?

Here's how this corner of the tournament should look.

Ya dig?

The Twilight Problem

There is a severe problem in the world of fiction, or rather fiction reviewing, that needs to be fixed.

This problem, I like to call "the Twilight Problem."

"I know he's a vampire, and I know he's standing behind me looking at me like he wants to eat me, but I'm gonna stay right here in these creepy woods with him because I think I love him even though I just met him."

The Twilight Problem is a classic problem of comparisons-- no matter what, books are always compared to other books. But this one is unique, because it clumps a wide variety of books into a single category that is harshly and unfairly judged based on the mistakes of ONE book. More specifically, any book that involves any kind of romance is deemed "Twilight-esque," for some reason.

I am not only talking about The Hunger Games here, although that comparison is the one that bothers me the most because it is so completely unvalidated. I'm talking about every young adult book that involves some level of romance, or a love triangle. Cassie Clare's books. Divergent. Beautiful Creatures (okay, yeah, that one I get). Delirium. Starcrossed. Mara Dyer. Etc.

IT NEEDS TO STOP.

Twilight did not invent romance. It did not invent the love triangle. Anyone who dismisses a book because it has a "Twilight-esque" romance should take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask themselves, "Is this the kind of person I want to be?" Someone who will leave a harsh review of a book based on how similar it is to another book? Someone who maybe will not even read a book because of those comparisons? Someone who avoids romance and the beautiful lie that true love conquers all, because of one book that took it a bit too far?

I have never read two stories in which the romances were exactly the same. Meaning that a very small percentage of them were comparable to Twilight-- by which I mean insta!love, obsessive love, destructive love. Usually love stories are sweet and believable and romantic, which is how they should be. I'm not going to avoid a love story just because it might be like Twilight. Because chances are, it won't. After all, it's not the romance that makes Twilight bring on The Cringe Factor; it's the relationship. The fact that Edward and Bella own each other. The fact that Edward is dangerous and for some reason Bella isn't as concerned with her own safety as she should be. That he literally has to change who she is in order for them to be together. That's the problem.

Not the fact that there's a love triangle.

Not that fact that it's a romance.

It's the characters themselves, which have never, not once, been replicated in another book. You don't see the love interest stalking the girl from afar, or watching her while she sleeps before they even know each other, or having to constantly weigh his desire to be with her against his desire to kill her. THAT is all Twilight.

Here is where I contrast the books to prove that comparing them is useless:

You want to tell me that Peeta and Katniss and Gale are like Edward and Bella and Jacob? Tell me, when does Katniss ever say she needs them? Because Bella's a blithering fool when Edward leaves-- she walks hunched over, with her hand to her stomach at all times because she has a PHYSICAL AFFLICTION when he's gone. She thinks she needs him. Katniss knows that she won't die if Peeta and/or Gale were to leave or die. The one she chooses, she doesn't need him because she has an unhealthy attachment to him; she needs him because he helps her. He makes the world better for her. 

You want to tell me Jace and Clary and Simon are like Edward and Bella and Jacob? Jace is rude; Edward is annoyingly polite. Clary is full of fire and art; Bella is full of dissatisfaction and dependence. Simon is a vampire; Jacob is a werewolf (sorry, cheap shot, but I had to. Simon is also smart and geeky; Jacob is... Taylor Lautner).
You think Will, Tessa and Jem are like Edward, Bella and Jacob? Will is self-destructive because it helps everyone else. He will not let people love him, no matter how bad he must make himself seem. Edward gives a halfhearted warning about how loving him is a bad idea, and then he lets her do it anyway. Tessa is selfless like Bella, admirably, but she also thinks more logically about her decisions. Jem is the safe choice, like Jacob, but if he knew about Tessa's feelings for Will, he would never try to tear her away from him. Heck, he probably wouldn't even make her decide. And here's the kicker: Will and Jem are best friends. They have a relationship, whereas Edward and Jacob do nothing but fight with each other.

You think Tris and Four are like Bella and Edward? PLEASE. Tris wields a gun and beats people up. Four loves that she wields a gun and beats people up. Bella would probably end up shooting herself with the gun, if Edward were to ever let her near one. Which he wouldn't.

Think Lena and Alex and Julian (blegh) are like Bella and Edward and Jacob? Snort. Lena doesn't decide to join Alex's world because it's the only way to stay with him; she does it because she realizes that her world is dead wrong. Julian's certainly no Jacob (this one, actually, is a compliment to Twilight. Sorry, I really don't like Julian).

Think Helen and Lucas are like Bella and Edward? I admit, the love story in this one is reminiscent of Twilight in the most superficial ways-- they're thrown together, he brings her to school every day, his family is big and strange-- but these two are literally destined by the gods to be together. This story is one of the most original things I've ever read.

Finally, you think Mara and Noah are Bella and Edward? Excuse me while I *sips water* SPIT OUT MY WATER AT YOU. Mara Dyer is the antithesis of Bella Swan. She's seriously screwed up, and dangerous, and awesome. Bella wishes she were Mara Dyer. Noah Shaw, like Edward, has a mysterious bad boy reputation. But, unlike Edward, he earned it. It's not gossip; it's fact. He doesn't write poetry in script or talk about death as a romantic ideal, and he certainly isn't the 100-year-old virgin. Hah.

So, there you have it. I'm sure there are more examples of the Twilight Problem, but these are the 7 I chose to address.

Me, I'm not going to be influenced by it. I'm going to read love stories. I'm going to revel in the healthy relationships in books. I'm not going to be the cynic who confuses Twilight romance with romance in general. 

Is pandemonium synonymous with disappointment?

fSDIFHODILSHDSLHF;SDF ;SIODHILISDZHCV;DSJVI.SD ;VOIZSDHFOI;SDJF;Z

Here I go again. This book. I just... okay.

To be honest with you, I didn't like this book. In my opinion, it suffers from Second Book Syndrome big-time. It's like everything that started happening in the first book was put on hold, and none of the characters returned for the second installment. Including, but not limited to the main character, Lena.

Sure, she's the narrator in this one, just like she was in Delirium. But she's not Lena. The narrator in this book is, justifiably, someone completely different. She thinks Alex is dead; she's left her old life behind, and she won't let herself think about it. No Hana, no Alex. We get new characters, none of whom are all that fleshed out. I didn't feel an ounce of connection to them.

One of those characters, of course, was Julian Fineman. The new "love interest." It really bothered me that Lena started to fall in "love" with him, and not because she should be holding out for Alex (she thinks he's dead. Okay, fine, move on if that's what you have to do), but because Julian is the first boy who's given her the time of day since she left for the Wilds. It kind of cheapens her relationship with Alex, because it makes you wonder if she'll fall in love with any boy her age who spends time with her**. Julian makes her feel safe, I guess, but at the same time she's constantly protecting him (and we all know my stance on that). He's a little bit weak. I didn't connect with him because he has no personality-- he's a blank slate. Just because we learn about his family/personal history doesn't mean we actually know anything about who he is, what he believes in, who he wants to be. He doesn't even know those things himself, which is what makes it so hard for me to believe that Lena-- now stone-cold, fierce, passionate Lena-- would fall for him.

The whole time she's with Julian, she has to push back thoughts of Alex. Every sentence with his name ripped out my heart and did a little dance on it. Without him, Lena isn't herself anymore; she's him. She becomes Alex, because she thinks there is nobody else in the world to be him. Which, in turn, makes Julian the old Lena, the one Alex fell in love with. The parallels are almost too much, straight from Lena telling Julian "I'm not who you think I am," to her watching him from the observation deck, the way Alex watched her when she went for her evaluation. I just can't help but feel like it's so obvious that Lena only "loves" Julian because she realizes that she's Alex and he's Lena. Because Alex and Lena belong together, not Lena and Julian.

And yet, she's completely in denial about it because she hardly even lets herself think of Alex. Which, ultimately, makes this book extremely disappointing. I'm not anti-love triangle. I'm fine when it's done the right way, but this one is so completely not done the right way. There is no way she is not going to choose Alex, now that he's back in her life and, you know, not dead. I would have been much happier if he had come back in the middle of the book, with some kind of information about her mother, or news that he's been searching for her, or anything. Please, give me a reason why his return had to wait until the very end of the book, other than for the suspense of it. I don't think a single reader ever actually believed he was dead (I certainly didn't).

Basically, this book was a filler. Yes, there was a shift in the main character, toward someone she didn't want to be, and then-- at the VERY END-- toward someone she does want to be. Yes, the resistence is getting stronger. But that's about the extent of the progress that occurs in Pandemonium. So much more could have happened, especially with Alex.

But alas, there is a glimpse of hope at the end. You see, at the end of Delirium, Alex tells Lena to promise she won't look back once she gets near the woods, and she promises-- but she looks back anyway. And at the end of Pandemonium, Julian tells her to promise that they'll stay together, and she promises-- but then Alex pops in and says, "Don't believe her." Because he knows what happens when she makes a promise. BAM. And that is why Alex should have come back sooner.

Also, a comment about the writing: Sometimes the sentences in this book were so beautiful I just wanted to live in them, but other times they seemed extremely forced. Every time Lena feels something, for example, she feels it in her "throat." Like, "nausea rises up in my throat," or "disappointment is a rock in my throat." What? That doesn't even make sense. You're trying too hard, Miss Oliver.

I feel like I need a list of adjectives to sum up this book:

-slow

-muted

-agonizing

-beautiful

-frustrating

-heartbreaking

Overall I give this book 3/5 stars, but two of those stars come from the very last page.

**- I'm pretty sure the sequel to a book isn't supposed to make you question everything that happened in the first book. That is what I hate most about Pandemonium.

A reader scorned

So, earlier Cassie Clare reblogged someone who wrote an "essay" (not a formal one, obviously; it's Tumblr) about why she ships Jem/Tessa and Jace/Clary at the same time. Now, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bitter that she reblogged this Jem/Tessa shipper for her "thought-out" essay or whatever, while my [in all honesty] better-written, Will/Tessa-shipping ones sit ignored. But that's not what this is about. I actually agree that it is possible to ship Jem/Tessa and Jace/Clary, because the love triangles in which they are involved are nothing alike. It is not necessarily true that you must ship Will and Tessa if you ship Jace and Clary simply because Tessa and Clary are the main characters, and Will and Jace are the edgy Herondale boys with lots of angst.

Something to keep in mind: I never shipped Simon/Clary. I thought it was awkward. But I haven't always shipped Will/Tessa either. I knew I loved Will, but Jem intrigued me to the point where I was ambivalent about which choice Tessa should make. Until Clockwork Prince.

However, I don't really think it's useful to point out that shipping Jem/Tessa is possible even if you ship Jace/Clary. First of all, everyone ships Jace/Clary. If everyone who shipped Jace/Clary shipped Jem/Tessa, that would mean Jem is the more obvious choice-- which is kind of the whole problem with the TID love triangle. There is no obvious choice, because no matter what happens they're all going to get hurt. Also, Tessa and Clary are actually not that much alike. Neither, in fact, are Will and Jace, though they do have similarities. I think it's important to believe in couples based on their actual relationships, and not based on their comparisons with other couples. By which I mean that saying you ship Jem/Tessa because Jem and Tessa are friends and know each other pretty well is pretty short-sighted, and in my opinion a little incorrect. Will knows Tessa. Knows her enough to see that writing an apology of sorts in one of her favorite books will make her come around to him; knows and understands when she still loves Nate even after everything he's done; knows her enough to differentiate between when she can stand up for herself and when she needs his help. Jem does say that Tessa won't break, but he still often treats her like she will. He's never in favor of letting her do things that put her in danger, even when they're important to her. Will understands that when something is important to Tessa, it's better to help her than to try to stop her. And yet, I agree that there are a lot of things Jem and Tessa know about each other that Will doesn't. That even makes me ship Will/Tessa more, because I don't really buy into the notion that a better friendship always leads to a better relationship. Tessa loves Jem because of the things she knows about him, but she loves Will despite all the good things she doesn't yet know about him. Now that she has the chance to learn what kind of person he really is-- and she has already begun, based on how he agreed to suffer in silence so that Jem could be happy-- she'll see that he's actually just as good a person as Jem is, and that can only make her love him more. He won't always have to be the mysterious, angsty Will Herondale who pushes people away.

I ship Will/Tessa because, to me, they are equals in their relationship. They can stand not only side-by-side, but toe-to-toe as well [see picture above, for instance]. People seem to be under the impression that Will only loves Tessa because of the things she wrote in her letters, which is not true. Although they are a part of it-- and I will point out that they were letters she never thought anyone would see, so she was free to be her true self, and he loves that Tessa as well as the external Tessa-- he loves her because of who she is. He says he fell in love with her almost the moment he met her. Not love at first sight, but not love that only came from her letters either. He loves her because she is passionate, she genuinely cares about people, and she makes him laugh [which is pretty difficult for anyone except Will himself to do]. He loves who she is, just as Jem does. But Jem and Tessa do not seem like equals in their relationship, because they are always so eager to take care of each other (Jem with the over-concern every time Tessa does something dangerous, Tessa with the agreeing to marry Jem to make him happy). It seems like one of them is always standing behind the other, rather than side-by-side [again, see picture above]. Which is fine, but there has to be more. They can't be afraid to disagree or yell or argue with each other. Yes, they have passion and are obviously attracted to one another, but Jem loves Tessa so much that he actually believes his love for her is keeping him alive, while Tessa is completely torn between him and Will. She has chosen, but only* because she was under the totally reasonable impression that being with Will was not a possibility. She mentally chastises herself every time she thinks of Will-- but still she thinks of him. It's not possible or fair (to anyone) to ignore that, just because Jem is the more pragmatic choice.

The big question is really who Tessa loves more, to which I believe the answer is Will. If she truly loved Jem more, this triangle wouldn't be quite such a big problem, would it? She wouldn't be burning herself on fire stokers or sneaking glances at Will or wondering about who he really is. She might be pained by Will's pain, but she wouldn't torture herself over it.

To sum up:

Will/Tessa-- shared interests, side-by-side, make each other laugh, still more good things to learn, and I'm not going to lie: the angst does make it more romantic, at least in my opinion.
Jem/Tessa-- friends, deep affection for each other, happy together, but they stand behind each other (which is not always good).

* I say "only" not to minimize Tessa's feelings for Jem by insisting that she only picked him because she couldn't have Will, but to point out that she probably would not yet have chosen either of them if she had actually thought she could be with Will.

A small rant.

So, I was just trolling on Tumblr (you know, the usual), and I came across a blog in which the person who owns it talks incessantly about how they hate the Mortal Instruments series, and thus refuse to read the Infernal Devices series because they blame Cassandra Clare. They say that she plagiarizes her own fanfiction and that her writing is just "bad." And yet, they read the entire first THREE BOOKS of the Mortal Instruments series. What? I don't care how compulsively you read; if you hate something that much, you don't voluntarily read approximately 1300 pages of it. You just don't.

As for the plagiarism, maybe it's true. Although I highly doubt her editors/publishers would let her get away with that. But let's say it is true. SO WHAT?! It's not like she stole the writing from the fanfiction. She made her fans' ideas reality in her own way, and let me tell you, I haven't read the Mortal Instruments yet but I guarantee the writing is not bad. The writing in the Infernal Devices series is gorgeous. And "gorgeous" isn't usually a word I use to describe writing. I mean, the books themselves are no Hunger Games or Harry Potter, but it's not Twilight either.

Now, I have noticed a lot of comparisons/similiarities [via Tumblr] between the Mortal Instruments and the Infernal Devices, especially in the characters. I'm not saying I'll be able to totally ignore that, because it will surely seem like she has a set structure for her groups of characters that she uses and she can't come up with any other ones. That's not exactly original (it's like plagiarizing from herself). But what I'm saying is, it shouldn't affect how much you like or dislike the individual stories. Sometimes I think people spend so much time trying to decide how they're going to react to a book that they don't focus on the book itself. Read the book and then decide how you felt about it. I have no doubt that if you read it and then decide you don't like it, you will not be tempted to read the next one.

And, to the person who refuses to read the Infernal Devices based on their irrational hatred of Cassie Clare: it is not the same as the Mortal Instruments. You might be surprised. Personally I enjoy being able to read an entire series in an English accent [in my head].

Need Clockwork Princess NOW.

^^Guy on cover= Jem. Will was on the Clockwork Angel cover.

AJSDLIFNSIOFH;SD;FIJISDF;SDF;JI. SLDKFOSIDHFOIS;DF;NDSKLNF.

What's that? You don't understand the language of SKJF;8A? Sorry. I just can't... seem... to find... English... words.

I just finished reading Clockwork Prince, the second of the Infernal Devices trilogy by Cassandra Clare. There was a lot of hype about this book before I read it, and having read Clockwork Angel over the summer, I was excited. I probably should have done less reading and more paper-writing since Tuesday, but I regret nothing. Because it totally lives up to the hype.

Now, it seems I am among the few people who read this book without bawling my eyes out. I laughed much more than I even thought about crying, but I felt the impact of the sad moments just the same. It's probably better to attribute my lack of tears to my own personality rather than the book itself. Because the book itself is... ODSIHFDKS;DFJHS;.

After reading the first of the Infernal Devices books, I wasn't exactly sure what I thought about it. I honestly wasn't sure about Tessa, not for the same reasons that other people claim not to like her (to those people: you're going to get mad at her for trying to get over someone who broke her heart? Really? Go read Twilight-- or better yet, New Moon). I couldn't really put my finger on it, but something about her just seemed undeserving of protagonist status. I knew that I loved Will despite everything he did to the people around him. I knew that I probably should love Jem more than Will, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew that the writing did a sufficient job in making me want to travel in time to Victorian England. But that was about all... I wasn't sure how I felt about where things were going, how the next book could be all about Benedict Lightwood trying to wrest control of the Institute away from Charlotte, how there was going to be an inevitable love triangle between Will, Tessa and Jem.

But Clockwork Prince cast all my doubts aside. The plot is much more compelling and easy to follow-- being less focused on Tessa's escape from the Magister, and more about trust and betrayal and good vs. evil. Add on top of that the fact that the love triangle is actually well-done in that it doesn't come between Will and Jem, and I am a very happy reader. Plus, there's more Will! I knew I loved him (someone on Tumblr said it best: "WILLIAM HERONDALE. I knew I loved you for a reason, you sorry b*stard"). This is the part that I assume everyone bawled about, and I see why. [SPOILER ALERT! STOP RIGHT NOW if you wish to remain unspoiled. Here, I will add a jump-cut so you are not tempted to read on.]

KEEP CALM and TRUST THYSELF

Last week, I had my first paper due for my fiction class. We had to rewrite a folk/fairy tale, and I rewrote Little Red Riding Hood. I thought my paper was good, if I do say so myself, but I'm never capable of thinking that someone else-- particularly my teacher-- will like anything I write. Especially if it's fiction. The day it was due, she had a few people read theirs to the class. Of course, the only people who volunteered were the ones who loved theirs SO much that they thought everyone else would love them too. Which meant they were all ridiculously good. But they tried to hide their confidence behind false modesty, whereas I did not volunteer to read mine because my modesty-- okay, insecurity-- was real. Anyway, none of them were all that similar to mine, so naturally I became extremely nervous that I was a failure of Titanic proportions.

When I got to fiction today, I saw what I was hoping I wouldn't see until next Monday. A stack of papers on the table in front. Clipped with one of those Clips of Doom that tells me they are graded papers, about to be handed back.

Only my teacher did not hand them back. Instead, she instructed us all to write a 10-word short story, a la Hemingway's "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." Commence slightly visible panic attack, because I don't know yet if she thinks my writing is any good. Hence, I automatically assume she thinks it's bad. Which means my 10-word short story will be bad. I have no ideas. No ideas, no ideas. Writer's block. Oh, writer's block! My 10-word short story-that's-actually-8-words then becomes, "She had writer's block, and then she didn't." She made us read our stories out loud in alphabetical order, so at least I had time to decide whether I really, truly wanted these to be the words I read to the class. Unfortunately I still didn't really have a choice, because my name is smack dab in the middle of the alphabet. So I read it. People laughed (with, not at); my teacher raised her eyebrows and did that face people do when they say "interesting," and said, "interesting." In other words, it went over pretty well. I mean, it didn't win the "contest," by which I mean that nobody nominated it to win the contest, but that could just be because nobody in the class actually knew my name before today [which is another story entirely, but one centering yet again around my own insecurity].

Anyway. This vaguely approbatory reaction probably should have given me confidence but, in fact, inflicted more anxiety. My thoughts went as follows:

What if she just felt badly for giving me a horrible grade on my paper and wanted to pretend my short story was interesting to make me feel temporarily good about myself?

That girl used really awesome words in hers. God, why can I never think of awesome words when I need them? You only get 10 words; why shouldn't they be awesome?

That kid used a sentence written by someone else. Why didn't I think of that? Oh, she just disqualified him. But still, it was a great idea. I should've done that.

Mine was so lame. Lame lame lame lame lame. Okay, maybe I kind of like the idea of it, how it's circular and makes you think about the process of overcoming the writer's block by writing about writer's block, but I DIDN'T USE ANY AWESOME WORDS.

I suck. I suck I suck I suck.

And then my teacher asks for nominations for the winner and it's not me, obviously, and we move on. But the thing is, I'm still thinking about that stack of papers on the table. I am literally, physically shaking, the way some people do when they meet famous people. Why do I do this to myself? I liked my paper. I thought it was good. But here I am, unable to write clean notes because my hands are shaking with the fear that someone else didn't like it. I'm sitting cross-legged, with my feet pointed up so that the people sitting across from me in the circle (our class is always in circle formation) can't see that I'm wearing plain white socks with my moccasins. Not that they actually care about what's on my feet. But I'm trying, and my foot starts shaking because it's difficult, and then I have to shift, and this occurs like six times throughout the class, and my face is hot because the door is closed and it's probably 78 degrees in the classroom and I'm wearing pants and a long-sleeved shirt, and now I'm self-conscious because my cheeks are probably turning red and GOD WHY AM I SO INSECURE and finally, finally the class is over. She makes us sit and listen for our names to be called to get our papers back, and then physically walk up front (do my knees still work? I don't know) to take them.

Once again, my name's position in the alphabet does nothing for me. I don't have the relaxing knowledge that mine will be the last one handed back, but I don't get it back first either. So I sit and wait (does an aaaangel, contemplaaate my faaate...). I see the grade on the last paper in the stack, which she's holding in her hand, and it's an A. Ugh, now I'm going to feel even worse about myself when I get less than an A.

I don't know this little girl or own these pictures, but I was, in fact, crossing my fingers.

She calls my name and I walk up and take my paper. She barely wrote anything on the paper itself, so I'm forced to go straight to the grade. A. Along with a note thanking me for such an *interesting* version of the story and talking about how she liked the change in the main character's defining characteristic, and so on. So interesting IS good after all.

Basically, I got myself all worked up over nothing. I GOT AN A!! I AM CAPABLE OF WRITING FICTION THAT OTHER PEOPLE ACTUALLY ENJOY.

Conclusion: I should probably start trusting myself a little more and maybe stop thinking that everyone else is so much better than me at everything. If I think something I wrote is good, chances are it probably is, because I'm a pretty harsh critic. Especially-- obviously-- of myself.